When I was a little kid, I’m Gonna Git You Sucka was one of my favorite movies of all-time.

That’s right, the R-rated spoof of blaxploitation films was the favorite movie of nine-year-old me.

Allow me to explain how something like this happens.

My father opened a video store in 1983, when I was just four years old. For much of the 80s my parents were divorced, and it came time for me to visit my dad I would spend much of the dayin the store watching movies, from when I got there until when I left. Then I would go home with my dad and watch movies in his apartment with him until I fell asleep. When I woke up in the morning, I would watch more movies before we went back to the video store where I would watch even more movies. And if we weren’t doing that we were probably going to the the movie theater.

So yeah, lots of movies.

And it’s worth noting that my dad was a terrible censor when it came to choosing appropriate films for a small child to watch. Sometimes this was a bad thing. I saw the The Terminator when I was six and it gave nightmares about killer robots for a week, and after seeing the opening of The Thing  when I was still in kindergarten I was scared of my neighbor’s dog for I don’t know how long.

But other times it was a good thing (at least in my opinion). I saw Beverly Hills Cop when I was six years old, so when I started first grade not only did I know almost all the swear words, but I knew how to use them too. So when some asshole called me a “poopbreath” during recess, I was able to counter with “you stupid fucking cocksucker.”

That’s the kind of stuff that gets you some serious cred on the playground.

At the same time, however, I was still just a kid. As much as I loved violent action movies, vulgar comedies and the occasional  horror film, I still found equal enjoyment watching cartoons and goofy family-friendly comedies.

And when you keep all that in mind, then it totally makes sense that for a short time in the late 80s, I’m Gonna Git You Sucka was my favorite movie of all-time. It’s the ideal movie for someone with the comedic sensibilities of a pre-teen, and the foul-mouthed vocabulary of a hardened inmate. I mean, who the hell else would love a movie that had both incredibly vulgar sex jokes as well as a scene where an armed midget hides out in a pimp’s over-sized hat?

For those of you who have not seen I’m Gonna Git You Sucka, it’s a spoof of classic 70s  Blaxploitations flicks written and directed by Keenan Ivory Wayans (the talented Wayans), who also stars in the picture as Jack Spade, an army boy who returns home to get revenge for his brother’s death, who died from an overdose of…gold (he O.G’d). Unable to take down the gold-dealing gangsters on his own, he recruits the help of some local heroes, who happen to be blaxploitation legends Jim Brown, Bernie Casey and Isaac Hayes.

In case you couldn’t tell, it’s goofy as shit, very much in the vein of Naked Gun and Airplane, just not nearly as funny.  I was sad to discover with a recent viewing that the film just doesn’t hold up that well, and as an adult, much of the vulgar humor I loved as a  kid was just stupid.  There was still parts of the movie I loved, and I could appreciate it for what it was trying to do, there were weren’t enough films that spoofed blaxploitation, but at the end of the day, it’s just not a very good movie.

I still loved the soundtrack though! So I was stoked to find a perfect, sealed vinyl copy on Amazon last week. I planned on sharing the whole thing here, but the Four Tops’ ballad “If Ever A Love There Was,” “KRS-One’s amazing “Jack Of Spades,” and the classic funk track “Grazing In The Grass” by The Friends of Distinction are all available legally, so I can’t post them here I can’t even share the album version of the title track by The Gap Band! What a bummer.

However, I found a way around that problem that I believe is more than satisfactory…but first, the rest of the soundtrack to I’m Gonna Git You Sucka!

Jermaine Jackson
Clean Up Your Act
Is Jermaine the second most successful Jackson sibling? He did actually kind of have a semi-successful solo career for a bit in the 80s didn’t he? I know that he has a kid that he named Jermajesty, and if that’s not a measure of extreme success then I don’t know what the hell is. This song is some cute, “Just Say No” 80s fun.

Jennifer Holliday
Magic Man
My knowledge of Jennifer Holliday begins and ends with “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going” so I got nothing to say here.

Curtis Mayfield With Fishbone
He’s a Flyguy
I think this track proves that Mayfield had an amazing sense of humor, since it’s basically just a spoof of Mayfield’s own track “Superfly.” The song itself is in praise of Flyguy, but if you’ve seen the film then you know that the movie itself didn’t hold nearly as much esteem for the character. I don’t know what Fishbone does in this track, since the instrumentation is rather sparse aside from the guitar, which I know Mayfield could play. Whoever does play the guitar on this song totally shreds it. Great tune.

K-9 Posse
This Beat Is Military
This song starts with a sample of the A-Team opening. Therefore, it is one of the greatest rap songs of all time. Actually, it’s kind of stupid, but I love the idea of a rapper boasting by comparing himself to a military outfit as opposed to a gangster or drug dealer, even if he does kind of strain the metaphor at times, I think the lines about nuclear determent take the bit a little too far.

Too Nice
Two Can Play The Game
The basic theme of “Two Can Play The Game” is “hey dudes, don’t cheat on your girlfriend because if you do then they’ll probably cheat on you too.” Kind of an odd way to preach against infidelity, but whatever. The best thing about the track is that it samples the chorus to Johnie Taylor’s excellent “Who’s Making Love,” a song that featured Isaac Hayes’ on keyboards! Since the sample isn’t credited in the linear notes, that means that the producers of I’m Gonna Git You Sucka managed to illegally sample Isaac Hayes for a movie that Isaac Hayes was in. That’s pretty impressive.

The Gap Band
You’re So Cute
Yeah, this song is great, but it’s not the song by The Gap Band that you want to hear, is it? No, you want “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka.” Like I said before, that song is available on MP3 and CD all over the world, so I can’t share it here. Sorry.

But I can totally share the remixes! Boom!

The Gap Band
I’m Gonna Git You Sucka (Extended Edit)
I’m Gonna Git You Sucka (Extended Version)
I’m Gonna Git You Sucka (Sugar Shack Version)
I’m Gonna Git You Sucka (Tripped Out Dub Version)
Here at The Lost Turntable, I totally believe in being thorough, so when I found out that there was a 12″ single to the theme song from “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka,” I had to have that too. I actually had a copy of this ages ago, but that version was scratched all to hell and would only play the extended cut and nothing else. Thankfully, I found this near-flawless copy at Jerry’s Records, and I can share it all with you now.

If you’re wondering how all the versions are different, the “Extended Version” just stretches out every instrumental part of the song out a bit, while the “Extended Edit” is a variation of the original version that eliminates the slow intro and adds some more instrumental stuff throughout. The “Sugar Shack Version” is a version that’s chock-full of bonus bass, while the “Tripped Out Dub Version” is totally a…trippy dub version. I always appreciate truth in remix titles.

One thing that all versions have in common though? They’re all fucking awesome.