I know who you are and I know where you live.

Okay, not really, but I do know how a lot of people find my site thanks to Statcounter. I use it mostly to track how many people come here (not many, but enough to keep me happy) and how they get here, (usually Hype Machine and Elbows). However, they do have a feature that allows me to see what search keywords lead people to my little corner of angst and remixes. That’s the part that scares the fuck out of me. Let me share with you some search terms that people have used to end up at my site:

crackheads
suck on it
turntable seen in indecent proposal
what should vampires eat
what was charlie sheen’s childhood fear

The first two aren’t that odd (although the fact that the people searching for them clicked on my site is a little bizarre) but the last three confuse me, and that last one makes my fucking brain hurt. What the fuck!? Who the fuck searches for that? Is Denise Richards looking for new ways to fuck with him? Seriously, what the fuck?

Enough of that bullshit, let’s move onto something less confusing, like experimental Icelandic music.

Sigur Rós
Rafmagnið Búið/Ný Batterí
Bíum Bíum Bambaló
Dánarfregnir Og Jarðarfarir
Fuck speaking it, Icelandic is a hard language to type.
Anyways, this is the last band I expected to talk about here (that’s not true, the last band you’ll ever hear me talking about is Starship). I am very much not a post-rock fan. I don’t like it now and I didn’t like it when it was called Shoegaze. I’ve tried to give Sigur Rós a chance before and got burned in the process. However, I guess I’m growing musically because after picking up a couple singles by the band a few days ago I find myself somewhat enjoying them. I still won’t listen to them while driving though, that would be suicide.

Okay, now I’m going to attempt to describe what these songs are and where they came from using the best of my abilities (and my copy/paste skills, because I am not spelling these bitches out manually). Rafmagnið búið/Ný Batterí is actually two songs, the former is an extended horn intro of the latter. I didn’t split them up because I couldn’t figure out when one ended and the other began. Once Ný Batterí gets going it’s identical to the album version. Both Bíum Bíum Bambaló and Dánarfregnir Og Jarðarfarir originally appeared on the soundtrack to the film Angels Of The Universe and as far as I can tell they never appeared on a proper Sigur Rós album. Please correct me if I am wrong about the information, but don’t correct me on the spelling of this shit or I will kill you.

Siouxsie & The Banshees
Slowdive (12” Version)
Obsession II
Cannibal Roses
The Last Beat Of My Heart (Live At Lollapalooza)
Overground (Live At KROQ Christmas Show)
One day Siouxsie and me will run off together and have big-haired children who sing fucked up Beatles covers. Until that day comes I will have to make due with obscure B-sides and live recordings. The first three tracks are from the 12” single to Slowdive and the last two are from a sampler that was given out to radio stations.

Depeche Mode
It’s No Good (Hardfloor Mix)
Slowblow
It’s No Good (Speedy J Mix)
It’s No Good (Bass Bounce Mix)
Slowblow (Darren Price Mix)
And tonight’s obligatory Depeche Mode post was brought to you by Spill.com. Okay, that’s not true, I just really like that site and like I said before my desire to talk about Depeche Mode is far less than my desire to continue to post Depeche Mode songs. The first four tracks are from the CD single of It’s No Good, so if you detect any turntable-related problems with those you’re an asshole. The last one is from a 12” It’s No Good single, for some reason that mix wasn’t on the CD single I had.

When I can’t think of a title for a post I just come up with a stupid rhyme associated with a song title or band name. I’m so damn clever.

Information Society
What’s On Your Mind (Pure Energy) (Club Mix)
What’s On Your Mind (Pure Energy) (The 54 Mix)
What’s On Your Mind (Pure Energy) (Percappella)
What’s On Your Mind (Pure Energy) (What’s On Your Dub Mix)
The best ever synthpop song featuring a sample of Spock. These remixes are from the 12” single and are the last InSoc tracks I’ll be putting up for a while so savor them forever.

I Am The World Trade Center
Shoot You Down (The Minority Report Remix)
Don’t You Want Me
The best ever synthpop band with the most unfortunate name in the history of music. The first is a remix of their cover of the song by The Stone Roses and the second, as you probably already know, is a cover of the classic Human League song.

Depeche Mode
It’s Called A Heart (Slow Mix)
Fly On The Windscreen (Death Mix)
The best ever subtitle to a synthpop single of all time is on the 2-LP version of “It’s Called A Heart” which is “Special Limited Edition Twin Set Costing No More Than Two Pounds & Ninety Nine Pence.” They weren’t fucking around with it being limited either, as The Slow Mix was never released anywhere else (unless you count the ridiculous iTunes “box set” that has a bunch of ultra-rare songs that are only available if you buy the whole thing for $170). However, I paid far more than 2 Pounds and Ninety Nine Pence for the LP set – at least I think I did – I don’t know what the conversion of dollars to pounds is right now.

I have to give props to another blog out there, and since everyone knows what an egotistical self-centered prick I am then you know that really means something. The guys at Trash Menagerie have taken it upon themselves are hosting The Noise Crew’s drastic remix of Portishead’s amazing new album Third. The result is Third Floor and it’s shockingly good. Go check it.

Okay, enough about other people, let’s get to back to me and my impecible taste in music.

Information Society
Lay All Your Love On Me (Justin Strauss Remix)
Lay All Your Love On Me (Restricted Mix)
Lay All Your Love On Me (Radio Hot Mix)
Lay All Your Love On Me (Phil Harding Metal Mega Mix)
Funky At 45
I am not an Abba fan. Never have been and unless I suffer some bizarre head trauma I highly doubt I ever will be. Strangely, I do like it when other artists cover their music. I own Erasure’s ABBAeqsue, and whenever I listen to it I have to immediately listen to Motorhead afterward to balance myself out. Anyways, I’ve always like Erasure’s take on this song, but after hearing Information Society’s take on it I’m going to have to say that theirs is even better. Now if they could just cover “Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight)” that would be amazing. In case you’re wondering, “Funky At 45” is the b-side.

Depeche Mode
Shake The Disease (Edit The Shake)
Master And Servant (Live)
Flexible (Pre-Deportation Mix)
Something To Do (Metalmix)
Sibeling
Enjoy The Silence (Ricki Tik Tik Mix)
Enjoy The Silence (Harmonium)
More from The Great Depeche Mode Purge of 2008. I hope to get the other 20 billion or so Depeche Mode tracks I have from singles and imports up here someday. The first four tracks are from the Shake The Disease 12” single and the last three are from the CD single of “Enjoy The Silence”. The Metalmix of “Something to Do” is one of my favorite Depeche Mode remixes, it’s not as good as the mindfucking wacky “The Dead Of Night (Electronicat Remix)” but it’s damn close.

Shelia E.
The Glamorous Life (Club Edit)
The Glamorous Life Part II
I’ve been strangely infactuated with this song ever since I discovered The Fever’s remake (and remixes) on their b-side to “Ladyfingers.” I guess I’ve been getting more and more into Prince over the past few months, and I should just break down and buy some of his albums already, I don’t even own Purple Rain but I own the single to “7”. I have fucked up priorities. The Club Mix is an extended mix and “Part II” is a dub version/drum solo.

Everyone have a good 4th of July celebrating our rapidly deteorating freedoms that we take for granted every other day of the year?

Was that a little harsh? Okay…um…aren’t fireworks neat?!?!

Eddy Grant
Electric Avenue (12” Version)
Time Warp
When I first moved to Pittsburgh I needed a job really bad. One day I saw an ad for a clerk in an adult video store out in East Pittsburgh. I wanted to check it out because it was a third shift job and it was probably easy enough so I could write at work. I got lost on the way there and gave up when I realized how far away it was from my house. The night point of that trip though was finding out that there’s an Electric Avenue in Pittsburgh. Not only that, it intersects with Dynamo Way. That’s fucking awesome. The 12” version of “Electric Avenue” is about two minutes longer, and those two minutes are mostly Eddy Grant just saying “Oh!” which is fine by me. “Time Warp” is a very odd instrumental tune that I don’t think ever made it to an album.

X-Press 2
Lazy
Lazy (Norman Cook Dub)
Lazy (Norman Cook Remix)
Lazy (Peace Division Dub)
What a shitty band name. X-Press 2 is a trio of European DJs who hit it big on the club scene with the occasional single before releasing their first album Muzikizum in 2001. I know nothing of it other than the fact that it has this song on it. And the only reason I know that is because this song features David Byrne on vocals, so I had to own it. I got these remixes from a 12” single and they have the occasional poppy noise. The Norman Cook Remix sounds like it’s skipping at the beginning, but it’s not, that’s how it’s supposed to sound. Interesting side note: David Byrne is now collaborating with on the remixers of this track, Norman Cook (AKA Fatboy Slim) on a new project called The Brighton Port Authority. They have a video out and it is AMAZING.

Information Society
Peace And Love Incorporated (Passion Mix)
Peace And Love Incorporated (Passion Dub)
Peace And Love Incorporated (Radio Remix)
Peace And Love Incorporated (Disco Mosh Pit Mix)
To The City
Best 80s synthpop band named after a 1984 reference. These tracks are from a 12” single. “To The City” is a b-side that, as far as I know, has yet to appear on anything else – which is a shame because it is a totally awesome house track. It is not a cover of the Joe Walsh song of the same name, which is most unfortunate because that would have been sweet. “Peace And Love” is such a great song and really shows that their shit is much more than just silly dance music (although they do that really well too). More InSoc later.

I interviewed Girl Talk. He’s awesome. The interview is awesome. For good measure let’s say I’m awesome too. Go read it and tell all your friends to read it as well. Then you might be awesome too.

Now let’s all celebrate our new awesomeness by listening to music from cartoons (and cartoon-related media)

Partners In Kryme
Turtle Power
I vividly remember seeing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie in the theaters. I was 10 years old and in fifth grade at the time. My dad owned a video store and someone hooked him up with passes to a sneak preview of the movie a day before its release. Him and me, along with about four of my friends went. The place was freakin’ packed full of screaming kids and very confused parents. We all thought the movie was amazing (of course) and the next day I was the coolest motherfucker in 5th grade because I had seen the movie before anyone else in my class. Up until high school I was pretty hardcore into the TMNT, and I still have a Casey Jones action figure, he protects me from evil ninjas. I still haven’t gotten around to seeing the CGI movie from last year, but I hear it was actually pretty good so I might get around to it sometime.

I don’t remember owning the soundtrack to the first movie, although I’m pretty sure my next-door neighbor did and we used to rock out to it after school before Duck Tales came on. This track was a big hit single, but in retrospect it probably was not the best career move for the rapping duo known as Partners In Kryme, as they were never heard from again.

Orchestra On The Half Shell
Splinter’s Rap I
Splinter’s Rap II
These two tracks are the origin of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, as told by the all-powerful rat sensei Splinter. Apparently these monologues are different than the versions in the film – but I’m not going to dig out my VHS tape to compare, I’ll just take Wikipedia’s word for it. These tracks and the Partners In Kryme number were all taken from the 12” single for Turtle Power.

Bis
Super Secret City Of Soundville Song Extended (Remixed By Ursula 1000)
The Powerpuff Girls came out when I was in college, and not being a big pot smoker I was never hugely into them or anything else on the Cartoon Network at the time. I got into it later though (the show, not the pot) thanks a very easy schedule my senior year that gave me a lot of TV time. I’ve always thought Mojo Jojo should have had his own series. I got this nifty neato keen 12” single (and it’s pink!)

Old School (and some new school rap) tonight. I didn’t plan on that, it just kind of worked out that way. It also worked out that all the bands begin with D. Although that’s awesome because I can tell all of you to “suck on deez!”

No need to chastise me, I’m ashamed of myself.

Deltron 3030
Positive Contact (Mario C Remix)
Positive Contact (Charlie Clouser (NIN) Remix)
Positive Contact (Charlie Clouser (NIN) Remix Instrumental)
Positive Contact (Automator Extended Mix)
Positive Contact (Automator Extended Mix Instrumental)
Ever listen to the Delton 3030 album? It’s insane. It takes place in the dystopia of 3030, cannibals roam the wastelands and street kids have to fight off evil robots so they can get home in time to watch Strange Brew on TV. Fighting for them all is Del Tha Funkee Homosapien and his crew, who are traveling the cosmos to compete in the Intergalaic Rap Battle. It’s totally awesome. It also features Dan The Automator, Prince Paul, Damon Alburn, Sean Lennon and your mom. Go buy it. These remixes are from a 12” single that I bought for four bucks and will cherish for the rest of my life.

Digable Planets
Rebirth Of Slick (Cool Like Dat) (Crashing Giant Step Mix)
Remember when Target used this song in one of their ads? They took out the line ‘black like that’ because Target is The Man. Stupid Whitey. This remix is from a 12”.

DJ Kool
Let Me Clear My Throat (Old School Reunion Remix feat. Biz Markie and Doug E. Fresh)
Let Me Clear My Throat (Funkmaster Flex Remix)
Let Me Clear My Throat (45 King Bass ‘N’ Funk Remix)
I posted some remixes of this track last year (and I’m not reposting them right now, so don’t ask) but I failed to mention then that this is probably my favorite rap track of all time. It’s probably one of my favorite tracks of all-time period, and can go next to “Atomic Dog” as one of the very few songs that I can listen to over and over again and never get sick of. The Old School mix was the first version I ever heard, and it’s still my favorite, although the Funkmaster Flex one is pretty good too. The 45 King one is weird, since it takes out that crazy horn loop that the song is known for. Even weider is the fact that the loop comes from a song by The 45 King and he’s the one taking it out on the remix.

I went a few weeks without going on a non-music related rant and I was pretty proud of myself, but that streak ends tonight.

This morning I got an email from the writer of a blog that shall remain anonymous. I’m not concealing his identity in order to protect him, I’m keeping him anonymous because what this stupid twat wants more than anything is publicity and exposure, and I sure as fuck am not going to help him with that bullshit.

Anyways, this email was nothing more than a song title in the headline, and a link to his blog where you could download it. Stupid yes, but relatively harmless. However, the tard fucker sent this email out to a few dozen of my fellow bloggers. And like me they were upset for this dumb bitch for wasting our time. However, they most proved to be just as dumb as him since they chose to respond to his message by hitting “reply to all”. This means that every single email that these stupid fuckers sent to that stupid fucker I also got as well.

Seriously? Listen you stupid shits, it’s 2008 – how can you not know what “reply to all” means? I got over a dozen emails that were really nothing more than “Unsubsrcibe please” and even more from idiots that thought they were talking to one specific person on the list and no one else, like their email program knows exactly who out of the 50 or so recipients exactly who they want to talk to. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: People are fucking stupid.

And George Carlin died. Fuck this day.

Usually when I’m this pissed off I just post some industrial music and be done with it. But all the industrial music I have yet to post isn’t very good and not nearly angry enough, so some hardcore drum n’ bass will have to do.

Squarepusher
Squarepusher vs Genaside’s MC Killerman Archer
Squarepusher vs. Amon Tobin
Squarepusher vs. Propellerheads Beat Box & Scratching
Squarepusher vs. Cylob
This shit is fucked up even for Squarepusher. I’ve never heard the original versions of any of the songs he’s remixing on this EP, but I’m sure they sound nothing like these butcher jobs. This shit is so abrasive and experimental that it could be used as a weapon, one that is surely banned by the Geneva Convention. I wish I could track down the d-bag that sent me that fucking email. I’d tie him down and make him listen to this shit on headphones jacked up to 11. His brain would melt. Hell, whenver I listen to Squarepusher I usually fly into a frenzy of involuntary twitches and tics to the “beat” of the music and I’m a fan! I can only imagine what it would do to someone who hated it.

Roni Size & Reprazent
Who Told You (Die Hammer Mix)
Balanced Chaos
“Who Told You” is the kind of shit I’ve been searching for tonight. Agressive, high energy, frantic, iz the shiz. Balanced Chaos is a bit more chill (as dnb goes) but fits the bill as a quality B-side.

If that title doesn’t rake up my hits then I give up.

Vanity
Pretty Mess (Long Version)
Mechanical Emotion (Long Version)
I have not listened to every song from 1984 (yeah, I’m surprised too) but I’m willing to declare “Pretty Mess” as the most disgusting song of that year. Fuck that, it’s the most disgusting song of the 80s. “You made such a pretty mess all over my dress”? When chicks talk about sex its hot, but when they go into detail about how much they enjoy lovestains they’re taking it a bit too far.

The scariest thing is that Vanity recorded this song after she left Prince, making her the only person in the history of the world to become more sexually explicit after leaving the employ of The Purple One. I was hoping the b-side to this would be an alternate version of the song called “Thanks For Cumming All Over My Skirt” but alas, it’s “Mechanical Emotion”, which I think is an ode to vibrators. If it’s not it should be. Can you believe this chick is a born again Christian now?

Madonna
Justify My Love (Hip Hop Mix)
Justify My Love (Orbit 12” Mix)
Justify My Love (The Beast Within Mix)
This song isn’t that dirty. It’s the video that got all the slack. I’ve never liked this song that much. It’s barely a song to, just Madonna moaning out vaguely erotic lyrics to a generic beat. The “Beast Within” mix is great though, because it takes out most of the song’s original lyrics and replaces them with biblical passages. That’s a whole other level of dirty.

Erotic Dissidents
I Wanna Be…By You (Dirty Version)
Jack To The Air Of The Underwair (that’s how they spell it!)
THAT is one of the best band names of all time. Definitely the best electronic band name I’ve heard in a while, beating out Killer Bunnies and Sheep On Acid. The track is officially called “I Wanna Be…By You” but let’s be honest, it’s “I Wanna Be Fucked By You.” This is the “dirty version” although I think the clean version of this song would be an instrumental. These dirty fuckers are from Belgium, which is also the home of all-time electronic smut peddlers Lords Of Acid. If they worked together that wouldn’t be a collaboration, that would be an orgy.

Frankie Goes To Hollywood
Relax (The Ollie J Remix)
Relax (The Trip Ship Edit)
Relax (MCMXCIII)
Relax (Jam & Spoon Hi NRG Mix)
Relax (Jam & Spoon Trip-O-Matic Fairy Tale Mix)
Yeah, relax, that way you won’t rake up Vanity’s dry-cleaning bills. These remixes are from a 1993 12” single.

R. Kelly was found not guilty!

I can’t believe it! The Shaggy Defense worked.

Let’s all buy a truckload of ice tea and head to the nearest junior high school to celebrate!

OMD
Dancing On The Seven Seas
Sailing On The Seven Seas (Larrabee Mix)
Sailing On The Seven Seas (Extended Mix)
Floating On The Seven Seas
I’ve posted a lot of OMD over the past few years, and I have to think that I’m running out of remixes from these guys. I don’t even really LIKE them that much, which just goes to show you that if someone wags and import 12” single in my face I’ll but it like a good little Pavlovian doggie. The “floating” and “dancing” tracks are radical remixes of “Sailing” that just happen to be very oddly named.

Oingo Boingo
Out Of Control (Funky Vocal Mix)
Out Of Control (Funky Drummer Mix)
Out Of Control (Power Mix)
Out Of Control (Fingertips Vocal Mix)
Out Of Control (Outer Control Mix)
Out Of Control (Environmental Mix)
A few weeks ago someone asked for more Oingo Boingo. Well ask and you shall receive. Actually, no that’s not true, he just got lucky that I happened to have more that I felt like posting. Don’t ask. And don’t tell either.

Depeche Mode
Personal Jesus (Hollier Than Thou Approach)
Personal Jesus (Pump Mix)
Personal Jesus (Hazchemix)
I’ve been fighting putting up a giant Depeche Mode post, but I might have to because at the rate I’m going with these I won’t be done putting up all my latest remixes and b-sides until 2018.

Time for me to respond to some comments, AKA piss off my fanbase:

First up:

Interesting rant about musicians trying new business models (Eagles anyone?) from a blogger who posts music for fans like me to download for nothing.

Is this a burn? I can’t tell. Two things though. First, don’t ever use The Eagles to back your argument, unless your argument is “Don Henley is a no-talent shit.” Secondly, going direct with a m massive retail chain isn’t a “new business model” in as much as it is just selling out on a massive level for a quick buck at the expense of your audience. In-Store exclusives are nothing new and AC/DC isn’t doing anything other than selling out what little credibility they had left by doing one.

hello there, this is germany.
you can be fucking glad to get only a few bands from us to you,
not in your worst nightmares you ever will imagine what other stuff
fills the shrunken little brains of our kids.
i give you that:
sound like techno for the muppetts show, voice like hillary c. on acid, title : you got the hottest ass in the world. anymore questions ?
tokio hotel is just the top of an enormous mountain of shit, better never digg at the bottom…

Okay, this is my favorite comment ever. First of all, it seems that it’s from the entire country of Germany – which is totally sweet. Secondly, he somehow convinces me that a combination of techno and the Muppets could be bad. Finally, the tone and slightly fragmented English make it sound like some fucked up message from the future, like a portent warning of darker things in the horizon. Kind of like that dream sequence from Prince Of Darkness.

Blue Man Group
I Feel Love (Jason Nevin’s Big Boom Remix)
I Feel Love (Jason Nevin’s Electromagnetic Remix)
I Feel Love (Shanghai Surprise Mix)
I Feel Love (Jason Nevin’s Big Room Dub)
I Feel Love (The Professionals Mix featuring Rob Swift and Anthony Saffery)
I Feel Love (Human Mix)
I Feel Love (Kap10Kurt Mix)
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “Jesus dude, do we really need seven remixes of Blue Man Group’s cover of I Feel Love?” Yes, yes you do. Any version of “I Feel Love” is amazing. The Blue Man Group is amazing. Venus Hum (who is featured on this track) is doubly amazing. So these remixes are a amazing to the nth degree.

Depeche Mode
I Feel Loved (Danny Tenaglia’s Labor Of Love Edit)
I Feel Loved (Thomas Brinkmann Mix)
I Feel Loved (Chamber’s Remix)
See, first “I Feel Love” and then this. This is me trying to be clever. I got to stop doing that. Of course these two songs are night and day. While Donna Summer (or the chick from Venus Hum in this case) sound like their about to cum out of their ears, good old David Gahan sounds like he’s about to shoot up half of Berlin. It’s a different kind of love.