Enough with the house music. I got some more I’ll put up some other time. But I need to feel something a bit more real right now. How about two albums of exceedingly rare recordings by one of the greatest British labels of all-time? Yeah, that should it.

Stiff Records was (is) awesome and since their history is wide and varied (and since I’m writing this at 3AM) I’m not going to go into why they rock so hard. If you want to know more about them check out their page.

A Bunch Of Stiffs
In 1977 Stiff Records released this compilation of their first ten singles. Much of it is available on other albums, but some have remained rare some 20-plus years later. I’m not putting up the stuff you can get on CD easily, just the harder-to-find stuff which is only available on old vinyl LPs and some hard-to-find box sets and best-of sets.

Here are those tunes:

Magic Michael
Little By Little
No idea who this dude is. Very 70s rock and not bad.

Stones Masonry
Jump For Joy
Excellent bluesy instrumental. Some of the members of this band were in Chilli Willi. This track is produced by Nick Lowe.

Jill Read
Maybe
This is a cover of the classic doo-wop song that was originally performed by The Chantels and later by The Shangi-Las and Janis Joplin (and John Frusciante?!?!) This version is absolutely stunning and makes me wonder who the hell Jill Read is and what happened to her. Turns out I’m the only one wondering about her, this is what it says on the album sleeve about “Maybe.”

Little is known of this Welsh song bird.

Cut in 1969 at Rockfield Studios.

Backing band: Dave Edmunds

Produced by: Dave Edmunds

Jill, if you’re out there write to us for your royalties.

That might just be some marketing gimmick (Stiff was really good at those) but I can’t find anything on this babe other than the fact that she totally owns this song 20 times over.

The Tyla Gang
The Young Lords
Never heard of these dudes. It’s pretty damn obvious though that they really like Bruce Springsteen. They re-recorded this for their debut album.

The Takeaways
Food
This is fucking retarded. Someone must have thought they had a good Bob Dylan impression going on and got some other guys together to record this oddity. The singer is uncredited (the linear notes lead you to believe it’s Bob Dylan) but the rest of the band is made up of Sean Tyla (of The Tyla Gang), Larry Wallis, Nick Lowe and Dave Edmunds. It was produced by “Stan Francisco (we have a winner for the worst pun of 1977!)

In case you’re wondering, the full tracklisting for A Bunch Of Stiffs is:
1. I Love My Label – Nick Lowe
2. (I’d Go) The Whole Wide World – Wreckless Eric (this track made it’s first appearance here)
3. Motorhead(!!!) – White Line Fever (sticking out like Lemmy’s Mole)
4. Less Than Zero – Elvis Costello
5. Little By Little – Magic Michael
6. Back To Schooldays – Graham Parker (a hidden track)
7. Jump For Joy – Stones Masonry
8. Maybe – Jill Read
9. Jo Jo Gunne – Dave Edmunds (this Chuck Berry cover is fucking insane!)
10. The Young Lords – The Tyla Gang
11. Food – The Takeaways
If you want a second opinion or a bit more information on this album check out this site.

Live Stiffs
And now for the real good shit. In the late 70s Stiff Records put on a traveling show of their greatest acts called “5 Stiffs Live.” After it was all said and done they released the highlights of that tour on this criminally short LP (which is also known as Stiff’s Live Stiffs and 5 Live Stiffs), which if there was any justice in the world would have been re-released on an extended CD by now. As it now stands it’s out of print and goes for 60 bucks on Amazon. Fuck that jazz, here’s the whole thing.

The above link is the entire album, but here’s a quick track-by-track rundown so you know what you’re getting. The Mp3s I made include full band credits in the information part of the ID3 tag in case you area really hardcore about that kind of thing.

Nick Lowe’s Last Chick In The Shop
I Knew The Bride
Let’s Eat
Nick’s backing band includes Dave Edmunds.

Wreckless Eric & The New Rockets
Semaphore Signals
Reconnez Cherie
No live “Whole Wide World”, but this will have to do. I’ve never seen Wreckless Eric credited with a band before, but The New Rockets include Ian Dury.

Larry Wallis’ Psychedelic Rowdies
Police Car
Awesome band name. Nick Lowe is one of the previously mentioned Rowdies.

Elvis Costello & The Attractions
I Just Don’t Know What To Do With Myself
Miracle Man
No introduction or information needed. Great live version of the Bachrach song.

Ian Dury & The Blockheads
Wake Me Up & Make Love To Me
Billericay Dickie
“Dickie” is no “Rhythm Stick,” but it’ll do I guess. “Wake Me Up” is a great Ian song though.

Stiff All-Stars
Sex Drugs Rock & Roll & Chaos
This is everyone helping out Ian for the finale. Totally awesome. They have like a billion drummers for this one.

This post is full of so much generic house music from 12” singles that all it’s missing is an overused sample from Willy Wonka and that annoying MC guy yelling “We love house music!”

Faithless
Salva Mea (Epic Mix)
Salva Mea (Tuff Mix)
Faithless’ very first single and still probably one of the greatest dance tracks of all time. The Epic Mix hardly features any vocals, but is insane high energy. The Tuff Mix is much more faithful (no pun intended) to the original, complete with vocals by Dido (at least I think that’s Dido.) Regardless they are both must haves for house/techno fans.

Leftfield
Song Of Life (Extended Mix)
Dub Of Life
Fanfare Of Life
The only song on The Lost Turntable to be featured as a soundtrack to a British television documentary. How’s that kind of shit happen? Great track, although not one of my favorites from Leftfield, I’m rather partial to “Open Up” mainly because it combines two of my favorite things, house music and whiny vocals from Johnny Rotten.

Radioactive Goldfish
L.S.D. Is The Bomb (Video Remix)
Electrode (Extended Remix)
I can’t decide if that’s one of the greatest band names of all time or one of the worst. It’s pretty obvious that these guys really liked drugs. Good stuff (the music not the drugs…I think).

Euphoria
Euphoria
Euphoria (Remix)
Naming your single after yourself, how generic can you be? I know nothing about this person/group/whatever because it’s impossible to Google the fucker. You can’t just search for “Euphoria”, that’s way to broad. And if since the sensation of euphoria is an effect of ecstasy (the house music drug of choice) you can’t even search for “Euphoria house music” and get a result. This shit is stupid but really high-energy and a lot of fun.

Quadrophonia
Quadrophonia
Quadrophonia (Remix)
Yet another band/song name combo! At least this name is unique (if amazingly stupid). More house music that features that awesome, high-drama keyboard sound. What is that sound? It’s on every dance track from 1988 to 2004. Is it a sample or just a really effective yet generic tone? The rapping in this song is 20 ways retarded, but the beat is killer.

All these house singles are cluttering up my…um…house. So here’s a house clearing house.

Human Resource
Dominator (World Domination Re-Remix)
Dominator (Unknown Remix)
Dominator (Mental Speed Mix)
Dominator (Soulwax Edit – Human Resource vs. 808 State)
One of my all-time, never-get-sick-off, holy-shit-I-wanna-fucking-dance-till-my-head-falls-off house tracks, even if it has one of the stupidest nonsensical lines in the history of house music (“I wanna kiss myself!” wait..what?) I had no idea who did this tune though until recently when I bought Soulwax’s remix collection, the full title of which is:

Most of the remixes we’ve made for other people over the years except for the one for Einstürzende Neubauten because we lost it and a few we didn’t think sounded good enough or just didn’t fit in length-wise, but including some that are hard to find because either people forgot about them or simply because they haven’t been released yet, a few we really love, one we think is just ok, some we did for free, some we did for money, some for ourselves without permission and some for friends as swaps but never on time and always at our studio in Ghent.

Yeah, that’s stupid but since Soulwax are responsible for some of the greatest remixes of all-time I’m going to let it fly. I’m included their remix of “Dominator” from that ridiculously-named compilation, which takes the classic hardcore house tune and mashes it together with another legendary house track, 808 State’s “Cubik” and in the end create massive awesome for all. Wait for an awesome part near the end where they take both tracks, tear them to shreds and then reanimate them Frankenstein-style into an unholy beast of glorious glitch. The other remixes of “Dominator” are from a 12” single I got called Dominator Re-Remixes. If you want more Dominator go here. They got more than me.

808 State
Timebomb (Fon Mix)
Since I was already kind-of-sorta posting an 808 track I figured I’d put this remix of “Timebomb” up as well that I took from a 12”. It’s a little scratchy in the beginning, but it gets over it pretty quick.

A Guy Called Gerald
FX (Mayday Mix)
FX (Elevation Mix)
Specific Hate
Humanity (Funkstorung Remix)
Humanity (Ian Simmonds Remix)
Humanity (Borngraber & Struver Remix)
And since I’ve already posted one-and-a-half 808 State tracks here’s a bunch from Gerald Simpson, one of the members of the house pioneers. These remixes (and one original track) were taken from 12” singles. Anyone notice that “FX” uses the same vocal sample that Moby’s Go did? Weird. On an unrelated note, “Humanity” might be one of the most beautiful drum ‘n’ bass songs ever made. If you only get one of these remixes I recommend the Funkstorung one, the breakbeats on that one are intense.

More house later this week. Possibly later today if I get sick of spring cleaning my house (my actual house…not the house music…oh nevermind.)

I have a request.

I am a big Def Leppard fan and I want to buy their new album but the whole Tim McGraw thing is really getting to me, especially since I like the track with him…except when he opens his cowboy hat, lower-class pandering mouth.

I did learn however, that on the Japanese release of their new CD there is a bonus track which is “Nine Lives” without that country cocksucker.

If anyone can get me a copy of that track I would be eternally grateful and be in your debt. Anyone who gets me that one song would be on the positive end on of the most lopsided trade in MP3 history, as I’ll give you nearly as much as you want from my collection.

EDIT 05/03: I’ll explain this again since some people can’t figure it out. I am looking for the version of Nine Lives WITHOUT Tim McGraw. It’s only on the Japanese version of the album. Get It? I’ve already had two people send me the regular version of the song with Tim McGraw thinking they were hot shit.

Sigh.

And if you get it, email me (it’s on the side) don’t put it in the comments.

Q Lazzarus
Goodbye Horses
My full-on for GTA continues with this post of the one of the greatest tracks that nearly everyone has heard but almost no one knows anything about. I’m sure most people that visit this blog know this tune. First it was featured in “Silence Of The Lambs” during the infamous tucking scene, and then it reappeared a short time later in Married To The Mob and a long time later in Clerks 2, being used in a scene that parodies The Silence Of The Lambs. Now it’s reappeared once again in GTAIV on the classic rock station (which features Iggy Pop as a DJ – ‘natch.) Despite all of this Q Lazzarus has vanished into obscurity. She never even released an album. Someone should track that chick down.

On a related note, electronic-rock band Psyche does a great cover of it.

Boy George
The Crying Game (Digitfunky String Mix)
The Crying Game (Third Floor Trance Mix)
The Crying Game (DJ EFX’s Tribal as a Mofo Mix)
From a sound in a movie about a psycho killer who wants to be a transsexual to a song from a movie about an actual transsexual…performed by a…um….Boy George (I’m hesitant to label him as anything). These remixes are from a 12” single and occasionally get a little scratchy. I cleaned them as best I could. The remix titles are shockingly accurate by the way. The String Mix has strings, The Trance Mix is very trance-like and the Tribal as a Mofo Mix is…Tribal as a Mofo.

Enough “politics” for now. I do love though how someone thought I shouldn’t talk about events like that because this is a “music blog.” Let’s get one thing straight, while this is a music blog, it is first and foremost MY blog. If you don’t like it you can a) close your browser and not come back or b) suck it.

M.I.A.
Paper Planes (DFA Remix)
Paper Planes (Blaqstarr Remix ft. Rye Rye & Afrkian Boy)
Paper Planes (Remix For The Children by Adrock)
Paper Planes (Diplo Street Remix ft. Bun B & Rich Boy)
Paper Planes (Scottie B. Remix)
Proving that I have the attention-span of a speed-addicted lemur, the remixes to this tune have replaced The Fever’s cover of “Glamorous Life” as my new favorite song of the moment. All of these mixes are great, strangely though the DFA one is the worst, as it takes out the instantly recognizable gunshot and cash register sounds and replaces them with generic beeps and boops. The rest of them keep the implied violence and rampant capitalism in tact.

EMF
Unbelievable (Cin City Sex Mix)
Unbelievable (Boot Lane Mix)
Unbelievable (House Mix)
Unbelievable (Hip Hop Mix)
EMF (Live)
MIA and then EMF, you see what I did there? I’m a fucking genius. Everyone knows that Unbelievable is built off a sample from an Andrew Dice Clay concert, making it the sole good thing that no-talent hack ever contributed to the world. The first two remixes of the song are pretty similar, but the latter two are very different, and both live up to their parathesized names, the Hip-Hop Mix even features a guest rapper. The live version of “EMF” (I love it when a band has a song named after themselves – Bad Company I’m totally GLARING in your direction) proves that their name had nothing to do with Epsom Mad Funkers and more to do with Ecstasy…MotherFuckers.

Fuck The NYPD

Not the first time it happened, and thanks to the corrupt ruling of pig judge Arthur Cooperman it won’t be the last.

These songs are about Amadou Diallo, the previous man who was brutally murdered by a gang of thugs (NYPD) who got away with it.
Bruce Springsteen – American Skin (41 Shots)
Le Tigre – Bang! Bang!

Bonus Track
Body Count – Cop Killer
An effort to make this post somewhat relevant to the point of my blog. Classic Ice-T tune (and the best song on the Body Count album) that was pulled after a bunch of dirty cops and shitbag politicians got pissed off. Any song that pisses off Dan Qualye and George Bush is a great song. Can’t wait to listen to while playing Grand Theft Auto IV – which is set in a clone of NYC, so I won’t feel so guilty about brutally murdering hundreds of cops this time around.

Here’s hoping that every corrupt pig in the country gets sodomized with a plunger.

Quick Note: Reposts request time is over kiddos, so stop asking. I know it sucks having just missed the deadline, but take your complaints to someone that gives a shit.

I’m feeling amazingly unoriginal tonight, so here are a bunch of covers.

The Fever
Glamorous Life
Glamorous Life (Fake Fur Remix)
Glamorous Life (Deepwood Remix)
Never heard of these guys before but they deliver an awesome take on the Prince-written Shelia E. classic. Indie-rock needs to embrace Prince more often. I wanna hear The Arctic Monkeys cover “I Would Die 4 U” and Bloc Party take on “Seven.” It would totally work. These tracks are the b-sides to the band’s single “Ladyfingers.”

Snake River Conspiracy
How Soon Is Now? (Prince Quick Mix’s Craker Beat Pass)
How Soon Is Now? (Prince Quick Mix’s Tripapella)
How Soon Is Now? (Back 2 The Future Club Mix)
Another band I’ve never heard of covering a song they have no right to but somehow pulling it off somehow. the eighty billion remixes of it that came on the 2LP 12” single were a bit much though, these are the highlights. They’re all better than t.A.T.u’s version. Sorry girls, but sometimes Russian lesbianism isn’t enough (I know, I was surprised too!)

Aphrodite
Summer Breeze 2000
Type O Negative covered this song and that version scared the hell out of me. This version also terrifies me, but for vastly different reasons. From a 12” single.

The Newlydeads
Cities In Dust
The Newlydeads were formed by Taime Downe of Faster Pussycat fame and were an industiral/goth rock band much like NIN or Marilyn Manson. As I’ve always held a soft spot for Faster Pussycat, I enjoy most of the stuff I’ve heard from The Newlydeads and Taime’s interest in branching out his musical horizons seemed pretty sincere and not just a lame attempt to remain relevant after the death of glam rock. If you can find their debut album I recommend it, it’s where I grabbed this excellent cover of Cities In Dust. I checked what little information I could find about the album and Taime is credited as the lead singer of this song and if that’s the case then the boy wins an award for the all-time best Siouxsie impersonation.

The Leather Nun
Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight)
The gothic sleaze continues! This time it comes from Sweden. The Leather Nun were supposedly Sweden’s answer to ABBA, which is odd when you consider that ABBA was from Sweden. Anyways, this remake of the disco diva’s signature tune was originally released on The Leather Nun’s 1987 album Force Of Habit, and that’s now out of print.

Jacky Dean Foundation
Caravan Of Love (Dance Version)
Jacky Dean (if that is his real name) is a twat for releasing this obvious cash-in on The Housemartins’ surprise success of their 1986 acapella version of this classic tune. This discoesque version came out a year later. It’s surprising level of not-complete-suckness has more to do with the strength of the original song than Jacky’s dance music skills. This is off a 12” single.

Rosebud
Money
Have A Cigar
Remember when The Scissor Sisters covered “Comfortably Numb” as a disco tune and everyone went apeshit? Well, they weren’t the first to take Roger Waters’ dark and disturbing views on the record industry and transform them into club-happy dance tunes, as these 70s disco remakes of two Pink Floyd classics show. I have a feeling these might replace the Landslide remixes as the stupidest tracks ever to appear on this site.

Wait I forgot about Sting’s cover of “Tutti Frutti”…I think that one is still the champion.

I try not to talk about my personal life that much here – I’d rather focus on the music. But if you’re ever wondering about the woes of my life, you can usually get a hint from the violently-enigmatic subject titles from the past month or so. The long and the short of it is that everyone at my college makes me so mad I could punch a mentally-handicapped chimp in the face.

Now, in stark contrast to that sickening statement, enjoy some pop music.

Prince
I Wish U Heaven (Part 1, 2 & 3)
Scarlet Pussy
I love this single for multiple reasons. First of all the running time of “I Wish U Heaven” is listed as ’10:something’, gotta love that attention to detail. Secondly, the b-side “Scarlet Pussy’ is credited to Camille, with no other credits given. As Prince fans may know, Camille was an alter-ego devised by The Purple One in which he put his voice through some effects so he sounded like a chick. He recorded a whole album as Camille but like many, many…many other Prince projects it was shelved and will probably never be released.

The Avalanches
Frontier Psychiatrist (Mario Caldato’s 85% Mix)
Frontier Psychiatrist (85% Instrumental)
If I didn’t post this remix soon a very tall chick was going to come to my house and kill me. The Avalanches’ Since You Been Gone is one of the all-time best examples of turntablism and this is the best track from that album. By extension this is the greatest turntable track ever made. Well, this isn’t, this is a remix of said G.O.A.T. turntablist tune. It’s still good though.

Chumbawamba
Amnesia (Zion Train 359 Amhurst Road Mix)
Amnesia (Decontrol Mix)
Tubthumping (Escape From New York’s Full English Breakfast Mix)
Homophobia
While most people know Chumbawamba for the one hit, they should be known as one of the most hardcore left-wing anarchist rock bands in the history of music. They protested against Live-Aid (via the awesomely-named LP Pictures Of Starving Children Sell Records) and encouraged their fans to steal their records from Wal-Mart. These remixes don’t really paint an accurate picture of Cumbawamba’s awesomeness, so I’ve also included a bare-bones live version of their track “Homophobia” which I think is much more indicative of their beliefs. It’s also radically different from the upbeat dance version that they originally recorded (and far superior).

Someone sent me an email asking (among other things) what I look like. There you go babe. That’s a picture of me from exactly four years ago – around noon on 4/21/2004.

4/23: Hiding picture because it makes my mommy cry if you really wanna see it, click here. In replacement here’s a picture of a kitty.

So if anyone ever doubts my April Curse I pull up that file. Don’t worry, I’m much better now and the scars healed. I am still totally fucking metal though.

No real coherence to tonight’s picks, just a bunch of stuff that I though was so amazing that I wanted to share it immediately.

Prince
My Name Is Prince (12” Club Mix)
My Name Is Prince (House Mix)
My Name Is Prince (Hard Core 12” Mix)
Sexy M.F. (12” Remix)
My name is Prince/And I am FUNKY! From anybody else’s mouth those words would sound vain and utterly retarded, but for Prince it’s dead-on truth. (Except for when he wasn’t Prince, but let’s not delve into the love symbol). I wish I could introduce myself like that; “My name is Jim/and I am….TALL!”

Meh, it’s just not the same.

This is one of my all-time favorite Prince tunes, sitting right up there with Little Red Corvette, Let’s Go Crazy and Erotic City. This song wasn’t popular in the states (once again adding credence to my America Has Shit Music Taste theory) but the line “My name is Prince/And I Am Funky” has somehow entered the collective subconscious. One of my favorite recurring jokes at Fark is that whenever they link to a story involving Prince they somehow work that line into it, example:

Sony/BMG to Prince: “If you give away your new CD in England, we won’t let you sell it there.” Prince to Sony/BMG: “My name is Prince, and you can suck it”

He did not come to fuck around.

“Sexy MF” is the b-side and it is a remix of the uncensored version, not the stupid edit. More Prince later in the week, unless that midget shuts me down – he does that a lot.

Armageddon Dildos
Homicidal Maniac (Crashhead Mix)
Homicidal Maniac (Electric Dildo Mix)
Stuck Inside (Fuck Samples Mix)
In My Mind (Classix Mix)
While Armageddon Dildos may be slang for ICBMs, they sound like something that Prince might have had in his room and used during an especially kinky night with Apollonia. If “Atomic Dog” is my theme song that plays when I’m walking down the street, “Homicidal Maniac” is the tune that kicks in what some stupid motherfucker pisses me off. I dig it. This is the last of my dildo stash…wait that really came out wrong.

Killing Joke
Millennium (23 Minutes To Midnight)
Millennium (Back To Orion Mix)
Millennium (Cybersank Extended Remix)
Millennium (Aotearoa Mix)
More great music to listen to whilst breaking shit. The first two mixes are more dub, the second two are much heavier and focus on the lyrics more – which is good because the vocal track to this song is ass-kicking sweet.

New day, new logo. I think this one might be less hated by all my friends and family. Let’s celebrate the once-again redone logo with gratuitous remixes and gratuitous Russian lesbians (that’s how I celebrate everything).

t.A.T.u
All The Things She Said (Extension 119 Club Vocal)
All The Things She Said (MARK’s Buzzin Mix)
Not Gonna Get Us (Extension 119 Club Vocal)
Not Gonna Get Us (Larry Tee Electroclash Mix)
Not Gonna Get Us (Richard Morel’s Pink Noise Vocal Mix)
Yeah, they’re not really lesbians and nothing more than a producer-made gimmick band – but I don’t care! Lesbians is lesbians dammit. Their first (American) album had a few amazing dance tracks on it and their sophomore release was surprisingly consistent. They have a new album coming out in America later this year, which makes me happy, but they also have a movie coming out – and unless it’s a softcore porno I probably won’t check it out. These remixes are from some 12” singles.

Underworld
Cowgirl (Bedrock Mix)
Cowgirl (Futureshock Mix)
I picked up some early Underworld a few weeks ago. I had no idea they used to be a synthpop dance band. Thank Dog they changed their image. On the rare occasions I lift my lazy ass and go jogging, these remixes are usually in my playlist.

The Crystal Method
Born To Slow (Erick Morillo Main Mix)
Born To Slow (Erick Morillo Dub)
Born To Slow (Deepsky’s Green Absinthe Dub)
Born To Slow (Nubreed Dub)
Born To Slow (EK’s Spider In The Corner Alt. Dub)
Easily without a doubt this is the best song that Limp Bizkit’s Wes Borland ever contributed to. These are taken from various 12” singles.