Seriously, it’s rained like a bagillion inches here in Pittsburgh today – instead of crediting Al Gore for opening the debate on global warming and climate change I’m just going to blame it all on him – so by extension it’s his fault I got stuck in weather-related traffic and was late to class.

That fucker.

On an unrelated note…three posts in one week! I’d like to say this is the start of a new, prolific trend but you and I both know this shit isn’t going to last. So enjoy my sudden burst of productivity while it lasts.

N.E.R.D.
Rock Star (Jason Nevins Classic Club Blaster)
She Wants To Move (Native Tongue Remix)
She Wants To Move (Beenie Man feat. Ms. Thang vs. N.E.R.D.)
I wish that N.E.R.D. was bigger here in the states. It’s odd that Pharrell can turn out hit singles for eveyone else in pop music but his own releases by comparison are barely noticed. According to Wikipedia they’re huge in Europe. Once again proving that you bastards across the pond have better taste then us Americans – well other Americans that is, my taste is fucking amazing.

I’ve always said that “Rock Star” is my jam, which is especially impressive because I hate it when people refer a song as “their jam” but very few tunes get me pumped up like that one. When I’m doing something amazing (which, to be very honest, is quite often) and someone comments on my abilities I usually respond with, “You can’t believe I’m a rock star?”

Also, one of my dreams is to enact “She Wants To Move” in real-life, approaching some hot chick in a club and stealing her away from her man who won’t let her dance the way she wants to. I think if I tried that in real life I’d get maced in the face or punched in the balls. Anyways, these remixes are off of their respective 12” singles.

Dirty Vegas
Days Go By (Lucien Foort Mix)
Days Go By (Jark Prongo Mix)
Days Go By (Lucien Foort Instrumental Dub)
So Europe loves N.E.R.D. but we embrace these asshats just because they’re song was in a car commercial? Don’t get me wrong, this is a great song that was accompanied by an even greater video. It’s just too bad the album it was attached to sucked gigantic balls. Well, that’s not entirely true, it was just immensely boring. Dirty Vegas’ self-titled debut was techno for people for Savage Garden fans. So of course, the album was huge in America. Still, this is still a great song and these remixes of it are all immensly enjoyable. They all make me want to get out a piece of cardboard and dance for a forgotten love.

Space Raiders
(I Need The) Disko Doktor (Mutant Disko Doktor Mix)
(I Need The) Disko Doktor (Havana Goodtime Remix)
(I Need The) Disko Doktor (Legwarmer Remix)
Now I’m pretty sure that these guys were big nowhere. I only know them because I heard this tune in a remix somewhere and “A Song For Dot” was on the soundtrack to the video game “SSX Tricky” which I bought because I’m a huge nerd. These remixes are off of a 12” single.

I want The Disko Doktor to help diagnose my lack of funkitude.

Long day. Industrial music time. Smashy smashy.

Mussolini Headkick
Themes For Violent Retribution
It’s been a while since I put up a complete album so I thought I’d dig up this industrial gem from 1989 that’s sadly gone out of print. Mussolini Headkick was the side-project of Luc Van Acker, who himself is a member of Al Jourgensen’s side-project Revolting Cocks. While Jourgensen’s side-project was an excuse for him to a silly bastard with songs like a cover of Rod Stewart’s “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?” Mussolini Headkick was an outlet for Van Acker to be a miserable sod, with tunes like “Your God Is Dead” and “Plain Unhappy.” It’s not exactly upbeat dance music, but fans of industrial music should dig it. As I said before, this record is out of print and CDs of it go for 50 bucks on eBay. This is a rip off my own personal vinyl copy and I think it came out pretty well.

Oh, and one more thing. The cover for this record is really something – but don’t look at it and think it’s a pro-Nazi thing – he’s really making an anti-Nazi statement with it. Even though, I thought it would be a good idea for me not to thumbnail that one.

Die Warzau
Never Again (Atlantic Mix)
Never Again (Pacific Mix)
Never Again (Dead Sea Mix)
Never Again (Baltic Mix)
Never Again (Caspian Mix)
Never Again (Bosphorus Mix)
I’m sure you’re thinking “Hurray, 20 million remixes of a song I’ve never heard of, thanks a lot Lost Turntable dude.” First of all, stop being an asshole, that’s my job. And secondly, even if you haven’t heard of Die Warzau you should check out these mixes. This is industrial-dance of the Ministry variety, which makes sense since these guys were also part of the Chicago industrial scene. That’s right, even though they have that amazingly German sounding name these dudes were from Chicagoland.

Earlier this week I was in a super-shitty mood and I was going to post nothing but hardcore industrial mindfucks. Now I’m less in a shitty mood and more in a bored melancholy mood, which of course means I’m listening to 80s British rock. The connection makes sense to me. It also serves as a good excuse for me to dump some of my more obscure British (and Scottish) tunes on to unsuspecting masses.

But before that…now is the time where I once again use my blog for my own personal and highly selfish gains. Since I am in super-British mood I am looking for a copy of C86. If anyone could rapidshare or torrent it somehow I would greatly appreciate it. Now that I think about it if anyone wants to share a copy of C81 I would appreciate it too. I’ll hook you up.

And if you have no idea what the hell I’m talking about when I say C86 and C81, just move on down to the Mp3s and enjoy the Super Bowl.

No-Man
Colours
Colours (Remodel)
Drink Judas
Okay, never heard of No-Man before I bought this. I picked this up only because it was a cover of a Donovan tune. It’s super-trippy (trippier than the Donovan version actually) and if I did acid I would totally trip out to it. But I don’t do acid (I’m confused enough) so I’ll just spin around in circles for a while.

Primal Scream
Don’t Fight It, Feel It (Remix)
Don’t Fight It, Feel It (Whistling Mix)
Don’t Fight It, Feel It (Scat mix)
Speaking of acid, they called this kind of music Acid House when it broke, but if any drug would enhance this kick as Primal Scream tune I think I would be pot. If I smoked pot I would totally smoke pot while listening to this song. But I don’t smoke pot (I’m lazy enough). These remixes are B-sides to “Movin’ On Up.”

The Three Johns
Never And Always
Turn Up Those Down-Hearted Blues
The two Johns are They Might Be Giants, so who the hell are these guys? According to Wikipedia one of the dudes in it is from The Mekons. They confuse me too so that only makes sense. This is some crazy fast-paced dance-rock. If I did ecstasy I would totally roll to this but I don’t do ecstasy (I’m hyper enough).

Killing Joke
Sanity (The Roman Mix)
Um…I dunno, PCP? I’m very tired and out of drug references.

Up first tonight is the rest of the soundtrack to Salvation, minus New Order’s “Touched By The Hand Of God” because you should already have that song if you’re visiting my blog. I don’t know much about any of these bands, so don’t expect a lot of information from me.

Jumpin’ Jesus
You Can’t Blackmail Jesus
I know not who Jumpin’ Jesus is. Any information would be appreciated. This a very fucked-up country tune.

Cabaret Voltaire
Twanky Panky
Jesus Saves
The best known band on the Salvation soundtrack next to New Order. I know people that still love these guys to death but I’ve never been much of a fan. I’m fairly certain that these two songs were never released on any album by the group though.

Dominique
Play The Beat
Destroy All Evil
Chick with a good voice, don’t know much about her also. She kind of has a Toyah Wilcox thing going on, but not as operatic or annoying.

The Hood
Nightmare
Salvation! Have You Said Your Prayers Today
Another one I have no idea about. Not too bad though.

Arthur Baker
Come On
You might not have heard of Arthur Baker, but if you like 80s dance music you probably have a record he produced. He worked with New Order and Afrika Bambaataa. He also did remix work for Cyndi Lauper and other 80s artists.

And as promised here is the rest of the soundtrack to Dudes. Okay, well it’s not all of it. I didn’t include Steve Vai’s version of Amazing Grace because it’s on one of his own CDs. I also didn’t include the songs by W.A.S.P. and Keel for the same reasons (that and the fact that the song by Keel sucks ass). I only wanted to share the more unusual and hard-to-find tracks. I hope this movie is put out on DVD someday, I remember liking it when I was a kid and with a soundtrack as batshit crazy as this one it can’t be all bad.

Simon Steele & The Claw
Vengeance Is Mine
This is a retarded song. The only thing more retarded than the song itself is the name of the duo credited with it. Simon Steele? Who the fuck is that? Is that like the brother of Remington Steele or something? And The Claw? Well, we all know who that is.

Legal Weapon
Time Forgot You
Another awful band name, but not that bad a song. Kind of a country-tinged 80s rocker (but in a good way). The very end of this skips a bit, I tried to clean it up the best I could but it’s still a little noticeable.

The Little Kings
Lost Highway
Sounds like Fear + The Vandals + Dead Kennedys but not as good as any of them (well, better than Fear’s second LP, but then again so is a swift punch to the taint). It’s actually a pretty damn good song and I’m surprised I haven’t heard of these guys before. The vocals on this tune are just amazing.

Charles Bernstein & Co.
The Dudes Showdown
I’m almost 99% certain that this Charles Bernstein is not the same Charles Bernstein who is a professor and lauded language poet. If it is then holy shit is that dude versatile. This is a blues/country instrumental that most likely played during the film’s conclusion. Good music to listen to if you’re ever caught in a duel in the desert and are all out of Ennio Morricone.

I discovered a sweet new site today and I must share it with all of you. It’s called Anthology Recordings, and its the first all-digital reissue and re-release label in the world. If you are looking for obscure electronic, hardcore punk, metal or psychedelia then this is the place for you. Their prices are fair and their selection is a wet dream for music geeks like me. And no, I’m not getting paid to say any of this I swear.

Anyways, the tunes for tonight…

The following three tracks are from the original soundtrack to Dudes, a strange 1987 flick about some punk rockers who get involved in a violent struggle in the American west. John Cryer and Flea are in it, as well as Fear’s Lee Ving. It was directed by Penelope Spheeris (Wayne’s World, The Decline Of Western Civilization) so it’s no surprise that it has a punk-rock/metal feel to it. I vaguely recall watching this when I was a kid but don’t remember anything about it other than the cover of the VHS box. The soundtrack has some other stuff, mostly interesting instrumentals and mediocre metal, and I’ll post some of those later on this week. Until then here are the most interesting bits from the LP.

Megadeth
These Boots Are Made For Walking
This was originally on Megadeth’s debut album but some years later the Lee Hazelwood (the writer of the original) threatened legal action over the new “obscene” lyrics added by frontman Dave Mustaine. Because of this the version on the CD is censored. This is the original uncut version – as far as I can tell since I can barely understand what the hell Dave is saying.

Jane’s Addiction
Mountain Song
The information I can find about this version of the song calls it a “demo” recording. I don’t know how they got that information. It’s definitely a different version though, and sounds more metal, as metal as Perry can sound anyways. This has always been one of my favorite songs by Jane’s Addiction, and if I snowboarded I would totally listen to it while cutting powder. Since I don’t snowboard I listen to it while playing Zuma on my Xbox 360.

The Vandals
Urban Struggle
One of the best songs by the original Vandals, this version is about two minutes longer than the version that has been released on various albums. If anyone has any information as to why this is a different version/where it comes from please inform me.

New Order
Salvation Theme
Let’s Go
Sputnik
Skullcrusher
More fun from bizarre soundtracks. These rare New Order insturmentals are from the soundtrack to Salvation! (their exclamation point, not mine). I’ve never heard of this flick until I picked up the soundtrack, but it looks like it’s a spoof of 80s televangelists. It starred Exene Cervenka (of seminal LA punk rock band X) and her then-husband(!!!) Viggo Mortenson. Who knew Viggo had a thing for big-bodied punk rockers? Stephen McHattie (of every other sci-fi TV show ever made) was also in the film, as was New York counterculture icon Rockets Redglare. Another cast member that might be of interest to Lost Turntable readers is Dominique Davalos – she was in the Lea Thompson’s band in the legendary Howard The Duck! Now she’s in the L.A. band Drag.

These instrumentals by New Order have never been released outside of this soundtrack so even the most hardcore of New Order fans probably haven’t heard them before. This soundtrack was also the first appearance of the seminal New Order tune “Touched By The Hand Of God” but I’m not putting that on here because it’s the same version that you can get on many of their compilations. The soundtrack also had some other great tunes from other bands that I’ll put up later this week.

Mini-post tonight.

ZZ Top
Give It Up (2,800 Mile Remix)
Give It Up (D.O.R. Remix)
ZZ Top was my third concert (first was Survivor, second was Huey Lewis) and it was my favorite until I saw The Smashing Pumpkins five or six years later. It was on the Recycler Tour, and the stage was full of cars getting destroyed and all this other crazy shit. They also had a laser light show that featured a naked lady dancing. When you’re 11 that shit is AWESOME. “Give It Up” was originally on Recycler, and like much from that period of their work – it hasn’t aged great. These are still pretty good remixes though.

Sugarcubes
Planet (Somersault Version)
Planet (Icelandic Version)
Cindy
I found out that Einar from the Sugarcubes actually released a solo CD. Anyone out there hear this? Is it as bad as it probably should be? I really hate that guy. These remixes of “Planet” and the B-side “Cindy” are off of the 12-inch for “Planet.”

This week was my last before classes start up again for me so I’ve been taking my time off to do some constructive writing and critical analysis. Just shitting you, I’ve spent most of it watching the bonus features on the massive 5-disc uber-awesome collector’s edition of Blade Runner. Between the five(!!) different versions of the movie, three commentaries and hours upon hours of behind-the-scenes footage, deleted scenes and promotional materials, I’m shocked that I’ve managed to leave the house at all this week. That set comes with my highest recommendation, if you’re a movie geek then you have no excuse not to buy it (not even poverty – sell some blood and get on that shit).

Elton Motello
Jet Boy, Jet Girl
I mentioned that this song would eventually make it here and as promised here it is. This is probably the most blatantly sexual, dirty and X-rated song I’ve posted yet. And don’t forget that I posted “Me So Horny” just a couple weeks ago. This song has very odd history and rather than just summarize it myself I suggest you all go to this excellent site and read about it yourself. One funny thing I’d like to mention about the song is that everyone’s favorite retarded douchebag Jack Thompson actually won a case when he complained to the FCC that this song was obscene and should not have been played on the radio. The FCC ended up fining the station $10,000. I guess everyone wins one once in a while. This is the insane seven minute version of the song that just keeps going much longer than it probably should.

Traci Lords
Fallen Angel (Perfecto Mix)
Fallen Angel (Honeymoon Stitch Mix)
Fallen Angel (Muzik Club Vocal)
Fallen Angel (Mykonos House Mix)
Since were on the topic of obscene I figured I’d bring out these remixes by everyone’s favorite underaged porn-star turned somewhat respectable actress/singer. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again (if someone asks) Traci Lords is a surprisingly good singer and should really do it more often. These remixes are off of a 12” vinyl.

Chemical Brothers
Galvanize (Extended Version)
Acid Children (Electronic Battle Weapon 7)
“Galvanize” is the song that, if you watch football, you hear at least once a week because it’s always played in an incredibly obnoxious Budweiser ad. It’s the “there’s a party over here so we might as well be here…” song. It’s stupid party techno, but sometimes that’s what you need. “Acid Children”, on the other hand, is an insane hardcore trance tune complete with a creepy vocal sample. An ad company with some balls would use that tune for a commercial!

Everyone have a fantabulously fantabulous New Year’s? I got so shitfaced that I sang “Total Eclipse Of The Heart” on Karaoke Revolution”. When I have too much vodka my desire to sing that song becomes unbearable for some bizarre reason. People love it when the 6’6” dude rocks out Bonnie Tyler though, so everyone wins.

I kicked in Christmas with an old-school rap post and in doing so I promised more in the future, so what better way to ring in the new year than with more classic hip-hop cuts. I have a few more to get through but since I haven’t even recorded those yet don’t hold your breath.

Terminator X
Wanna Be Dancin’
Buck-Whylin’
Groove Wit The X-Man
He used to be the DJ to the most political and influential rap group in the world. Now according to this article he runs an ostrich farm in South Carolina. I’m surprised that hasn’t been turned into a reality show on VH1 (give ’em time though). “Wanna Be Dancin'” and “Buck Whylin” are from his now out-of-print debut solo record which came out in 1991, the other track is an instrumental B-side.

Run DMC
Together Forever (Krush Groove 4) (Live At Hollis Park ’84)
I’m Not Going Out Like That (House Mix)
I’m Not Going Out Like That (Miami Mix)
You Be Illin’ (Remix)
This is my fifth post to incorporate Run DMC in one way or another. To say I worship the trio from Hollis is a bit of an understatement. I used to have Raisin’ Hell on vinyl but I lent it to a “friend” that I never heard from again. That’s why I never give nobody nothing anymore. I got these remixes, live versions and what-not from some 12” singles I got a few weeks ago. The live version of “Together Forever” is a little scratchy since the vinyl I got it from was torn to all shit. The remix of “You Be Illin'” has more horns it (because the original was lacking in that for some reason?) and the two remxies of “I’m Not Going Out Like That” are above-average for latter-day Run DMC tunes.

Arrested Development
People Everyday (Metamorphosis Mix)
People Everyday (Maroon Mix)
Tennessee (Remix)
They got back together didn’t they? Anyone care to share how their new album is? Also, does anyone know if their amazing performance from MTV Unplugged is available on anything? That was such a good episode. Why does MTV sit on all those great episodes? I’m still waiting for a release of Stevie Ray Vaughn’s episode some umpteen years after the fact. These are 12” remixes.

Method Man & Mary J. Blige
I’ll Be There For You/You’re All I Need To Get By (Razor Sharp Mix)
I’ll Be There For You/You’re All I Need To Get By (Puff Daddy Mix)
I’m sure every girl wants to hear “you’re my nigga” and “no need to shop around you got the good shit at home” from their man. Other than some rather dubious odes to the opposite sex this is probably one of the best rap songs of the late 90s, a time period of rap music that I am not particularly fond of. Of course compared to Soujah Boy shit like Bone Thugs & Harmony is downright poetic. These remixes are off of the 12” single.

So did everyone have just a wonderful holiday? This year my friends and family finally wised up and didn’t buy me any vinyl, since whenever they do I already own it and then I’m a dickhead for saying so. My prized gift is the new three-disc edition of Close Encounters Of The Third Kind, which includes all three versions of the classic sci-fi film. I’m the same way with alternate film cuts as I am with remixes and extended versions of songs, I got to watch them all and note all the differences. I’m sick like that.

This’ll be my last post for 2007 so everyone have a happy and drunken New Year’s.

Against Me!
You Must Be Willing
My pick for the best album of 2007 is Against Me!’s shockingly great New Wave. Now, whenever I hear someone say “this is the next Nevermind” I want to punch them in the taint, but this time I actually believed it. I’m still dumbfounded by the somewhat lukewarm reaction this masterpiece is getting. Hey you fucking kids, do you want to be remembered as the generation that left behind Against Me! for the latest My Chemical Romance album? Get your shit together. Fucking wankers.

Spoon
The Underdog (Demo)
It Took A Rumor To Make Me Wonder, Now I’m Convinced I’m Going Under
Another great album of 2007 was Spoon’s Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga (it does win my award for best album title). I got a 45 when I bought it, and these are the tracks that were on it.

Arctic Monkeys
The Bakery
Plastic Tramp
Too Much To Ask
I got these off of a 10” single for “Fluorescent Adolescent.” Great song title that one, wonder what it means. Whenever I hear the title I think of the most annoying thing in the world, since both fluorescent lights and adolescent douchebags are the two most annoying things on the planet. Good song tough. The very end of The Bakery is a little scratchy, sorry bout that but I couldn’t do much to fix it.

Blur
Girls & Boys (Pet Shop Boys 12” Mix)
M.O.R. (Road Version)
Pop Scene (Live)
Song 2 (Live)
Bustin’ + Dronin’
Tender (Cornelius Remix)
So You
Okay, my plan was to dissect the famous chorus to “Girls & Boys” and through a process of elimination figure out who/what likes who/what in the song. After about 10 minutes and a killer headache I gave up. I got that remix off of a peachy keen neato transparent orange vinyl a few weeks back. The rest of these remixes and B-sides are from CD-singles I scored whilst Christmas shopping. Remixing “Tender” was kind of a bold move on their part, as “Tender” is probably one of the most beloved songs in Brit-Pop history. The remix is decent, but it doesn’t really do anything for me other than make me want to listen to the original version again. The live version of “Song 2” is nuts, since they somehow managed to make it a few seconds shorter than the already short studio version. Reminds me of Pearl Jam when they do “Lukin‘” live, they’ve managed to cut that tune down from 1:02 to under 48 seconds on occasion. That’s totally punk rawk.

Last year for my big Christmas post I put up every single White Stripes single I owned. This year I’m doing something a bit different and I’m cleaning out my closet of old-school hip-hop and R&B. This isn’t all the old-school shit I got, but it’s some of the best. Here’s hoping all of you have a happy Christmas and stuff. See you next week.

L.L. Cool J
Mama Said Knock You Out (Hot Mix Long)
Mama Said Knock You Out (7 A.M. Mix)
Arguably one of the greatest rap singles of all-time, these remixes are pretty far-out re-interpretations of it. The “Hot Mix” isn’t even a remix really, it’s more like a completely re-recorded version of it with new vocals and everything. Not as good as the original but interesting nonetheless.

Gamilah Shabazz
America’s Living In A War Zone (Street Mix)
Gamilah Shabazz is Malcolm X’s daughter. In the world of hip-hop street cred that makes her the queen. Surprising that she never recorded more.

Naughty By Nature
Hip Hop Hooray (Sunship Groove Mix)
Hip Hop Hooray (Sunship Club Mix)
Hip Hop Hooray (Extended Mix)
It’s not “OPP” but I work with what I can find. I’m pretty sure this track begins with a sample of Peter Gabriel’s “Sledgehammer”, making it the second rap track I know of that uses it (the first being “Pop Goes The Weasel” by 3rd Bass) what is it with hip hop and members of Genesis? Is it only a matter of time before Redman takes some riffs off of Mike + The Mechanics? I’m sure there’s something to be found in “All I Need Is A Miracle”.

2 Live Crew
Me So Horny
Get The Fuck Out Of My House (Nasty Acid Mix)
Get The Fuck Out Of My House (Nasty Piano Mix)
You probably remember when 2 Live Crew got busted for obscenity in Florida, but did you know the person behind that conviction was everyone’s favorite video game hating assface Jack Thompson? What a fucking party pooper. He also got the FCC to fine a DJ for playing Elvis Montello’s “Jet Boy/Jet Girl” – a song that will end up on this blog someday. Anyways, these remixes come off the single for “Me So Horny”. Actually the first one isn’t a remix – it’s just a real good song that I felt like sharing. Funny note: the disclaimer for this Lp reads “Unathorized duplication will get you messed up by The Ghetto Style D.J’s”.

Fuck I better watch out.

Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five
Magic Carpet Ride (Chep-O-Matic Mix)
You know how every concert has at least one asshole that yells “Freebird”? Well, I tried changing that a few years ago by yelling “Magic Carpet Ride.” Didn’t catch on. If I would have seen Grandmaster Flash it might’ve actually worked though, who knew?

Digital Underground
The Humpty Dance (Bonus Hump Mix)
The Humpty Dance (Humpstrumental Mix)
Do the humpty. I got nothing to add to that other than that “Humpstrumental” is probably the greatest word ever in the history of all things since the dawn of time.

The Gap Band
I’m Gonna Git You Sucka (Extended Version)
I’m Gonna Git You Sucka (Sugar Shack Version)
Best movie ever made. When I was 10 I had a promotional “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka” t-shirt. Kids made fun of me for it. Kids are fuckers, I had better taste than those pricks.

DJ Kool
Let Me Clear My Throat (Bonus Mix)
Let Me Clear My Throat (Rough And Raw)
AKA The Song From The Ed Lover Dance. Although that’s really not true, it just samples the song that’s actually The Ed Lover Dance song. And actually that song samples something else…confusing. Anyways, these remixes are great and the rough and raw one is a sweet bootleg-like remix that removes all the effects and just leaves the raw vocals. It has great potential for bootleg mixers.