Duran Duran – Perfect Day (Acoustic Version)
Duran Duran – White Lines (Oakland Funk Mix)
Duran Duran – Needle And the Damage Done
Before I begin, I have to apologize for a mistake made in my last posting. Q wasn’t the magazine that gave Def Leppard’s Yeah! a one star rating – it was NME.

I must’ve just thought it was Q Magazine because everytime I’ve had the misfortune of reading that ratshit mag I’ve been amazed by the shit they decide to print. For example, a few months ago they made a “50 Worst Albums Of All Time” list, and with it went any credibility they ever had.

First off, they should’ve called this list “The 50 Worst high-profile albums of All Time” because as anyone who has ever had to review CDs for a college newspaper will tell you, there are literally HUNDREDS of shitty CDs released by shit bands that never get any promotion or radio airplay, but still manage to end up in your inbox. I ended up hearing what I thought the worst album of all time was when I was working there -an EP by a lame ass rap-rock band named Marz which featured the classy tune “I need a bitch I can fuck in the mud.”

Yeah man, chicks totally dig it when you talk like that. You’re totally gonna score tonight.

So, not even taking into account all those shitty albums I had to wade through during my early years as a music critic, Q’s list still unacceptable. Great albums by Beck, Oasis and Fisherspooner populate the list, as do perfectly mediocre albums by Alanis Morisette, Lauryn Hill and The Cranberries. Also, including William Shatner’s The Transformed Man is just too damn easy.

Most insulting though was their number one pick for the worst album of all-time: Duran Duran’s 1993 cover album Thank You. Granted, it ain’t exactly art and some of the tracks (such as their unfortunate cover of Public Enemy’s ‘911 Is A Joke’) are awful, but Thank You does have two songs that are simply amazing – and that fact alone should remove it from any ‘worst of all time list’. Their cover of Lou Reed’s ‘Perfect Day’ is almost as beautiful and touching as the original, and their rousing take on Grandmaster Mel’s ‘White Lines’ is one of the best dance songs of the early 90s – and it was even the basis for one of the funniest scenes in Shaun Of The Dead!

Thank You may not be a great album by any means, but I can think of a lot of bands and artists that have made worse…much, much worse. How about Limp Bizkit, Korn, Naomi Campbell, David Bowie, T.A.T.U, Coldplay, Roger Waters, Alice Deejay, STP, The Beach Boys, Metallica, The Beta Band, Black Sabbath, Butthole Surfers, Cheap Trick, Lynyrd Skynyrd, The Ramones, Fear, Gary Numan, Girls Against Boys, INXS, Kylie Minogue, Madonna, Moby, Candlebox, Sponge, Public Enemy, Run DMC, Tori Amos, U2, Underworld, The Who and Weezer?

Don’t get me wrong, I love most of the artists on that list, but even the most die-hard Bowie fans have to admit that his late-80s stuff was pure drivel, and even the best bands (The Ramones, Run DMC, U2) have some stinkers in their repertoire. There’s also crap vanity projects like Tori Amos’ Strange Little Girls (also a cover album) that really defy all logic and good taste, as well as albums by people who have no business being in a recording studio (Naomi Campbell, David Hasslehoff, Don Johnson…the list goes on and on.) And I can’t forget Starship’s Knee Deep In The Hoopla, which features the painfully bad ‘We Built This City,’ a song I declared to be the worst song of all time years before VH1 and Blender decided the same thing. I have written proof too!

But don’t let my misguided rant convince you, let the tunes do the talking. Two of the above Duran Duran songs are remixes or alternate versions of tracks that originally appeared on Thank You. My favorite is the acoustic version of ‘Perfect Day’, but any version of ‘White Lines’ should be worth your attention as well. I’ve also included their surprisngly emotional and powerful take on Neil Young’s ‘Needle And The Damage Done’ which was the B-Side to ‘Perfect Day’. All of these tracks were taken of off Duran Duran’s ludicrously excessive 14-disc singles box set, before then they were only available on vinyl 12′ singles. Unlike me, you’re probably quite sane and don’t own either, so enjoy.

Okay, so I have to record some good singles and remix albums I picked up, but I’m incredibly lazy. So, in blatant disregard to my own rules, this post is consists completely of songs that were ripped off CDs. They’re all pretty hard to find though, which totally makes it okay, right?

Well, I don’t care what you think. Shaddup and just listen to the music.

Arcade Fire – Brazil
This is a cover of a Kate Bush song that was originally in the Terry Gilliam movie of the same name. Arcade Fire + Kate Bush + Terry Gilliam = totally awesome. This is the B-side to ‘Rebellion (Lies)’.

Artic Monkeys – Chun Li’s Spinning Bird Kick
You only need to know three things about this track:
1. It’s the B-Side to ‘I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor.’
2. It’s an instrumental jam
3. It’s the only song I’ve ever heard named after a special move in Street Fighter II.

Magnificent Bastards – Mockingbird Girl
This is a song you’ve never heard of from a soundtrack you didn’t buy to a movie you didn’t see based on a comic book you didn’t read – Tank Girl. The song, soundtrack, movie and comic book all kicked ass, so whatever man, it’s totally your loss. Anyways, The Magnificent Bastards were Scott Weiland’s short-lived side-project that never really got off the ground (heroin does have a tendancy to do things like that.) He re-recorded the track a few years later for his solo album, but this version is much better. I’d love to hear Velvet Revolver’s take on this one!

Bjork – State Of Emergency (Alec Empire State Of Emergency Mix)
The first time I heard this it was on a ridiculous compilation called Y2K that was full of generic techno tracks by artists like Apollo 440 and The Prodigy. This was a big exception – Alec Empire (of Atari Teenage Riot) took this beautiful Bjork track and slowly deconstructed the fuck out of it, transforming it into a beautiful cavalcade of random noise and breakbeats. Don’t listen it to this with headphones, it will make your head explode.

Cheap Trick – Day Tripper (Live)
This is one of the few good Beatles covers I have ever heard. It’s not surprising though, as Cheap Trick is one of the best bands in the history of pop music and lead singer Robin Zander could probably sing damn near anything and make it sound good. This is off of the now out-of-print box set Sex, America, Cheap Trick. By the way, their new CD is their best work since Dream Police, pick it up.

Sugarbabes – I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor
I got this friend, her name’s Lisa. Lisa LOVES the Brits. Lisa buys NME, Mojo, Uncut, Q and all those other ridiculous British mags. I’m not a fan of the British press, they get way too excited way to easily, and their stupid cheeky senses of humor frequently get in the way of good writing (like in the latest issue of Q that gave Def Leppard’s surprisingly good CD Yeah! a zero rating just so they could give it a one-word review “Nah!” Grow up already.) However, when they have free CD compilations they’re usually pretty good. The latest issue of Q (the one that included that shitty Def Leppard review) included a CD full of covers and this cover of The Artic Monkeys by electro-pop dance group The Sugarbabes was by far the CD’s standout track.

Bigger ain’t always better, but in the case of some songs, too much is never enough. Here are some of my best extended cuts.

George Clinton – Atomic Dog (Super Awesome Extended Version)
There are some songs that are really good but just a little too long. There are other songs that sound good the first time you hear them but get really old after a while. George Clinton’s ‘Atomic Dog’ is neither. I could rock out to this jam everyday for a year and not get sick of it, and to me no version is long enough. This extended cut is off of an import 12-inch I recently picked up and clocks in at nearly 10 minutes! That’s twice as long as the regular version! That’s twice as much “bow-wow-wows!” That’s twice as much 1st degree funk from Lord Funkenstein!! Need I say more?

Art Of Noise – Peter Gunn (Extended Remix)
A great remix of a great song. Peter Gunn is one of the most recognizable songs in the world, so if someone is going to re-record it they better do something really good with it. Art Of Noise sure as hell did. Help from Duane Eddy, the guy that played guitar on it the first time around, probably didn’t hurt either. Strickingly faithful to the original version with enough panache and unique-but-not-annoying samples thrown in to spice things up (that synth-voice effect is AWESOME), this just might be the best cover of the 80s. This extended version comes from the 12-inch single, although the version on Art Of Noise’s greatest hits album is even longer.

Art Of Noise – Paranoia (Extended Version)
Ah, an Art Of Noise song featuring Max Headroom…how 80s can it get? I feel like I should be playing my NES and spraying my hair with Aquanet before heading off to see Can’t Buy Me Love. As a child of the 80s, I was slightly obsessed with Max Headroom during his short time in the limelight, and was totally in love with the TV show (which didn’t even last two seasons and has yet to be released on DVD…bastards) but the whole craze around him confuses me to this day. And when I found out he wasn’t really computer-generated, but just Matt Frewer in heavy prostetics, a part of me died. This song came out in 1986, during the height of Max Headroom mania, and this extended cut also seems to be available on The Art Of Noise greatest hits collection

Queen – Radio Ga Ga (Extended Version)
I really don’t have anything to say about this other than it’s a kick ass song. This version is from the 12-inch single, and has a pretty gnarly jump about 20 seconds in that I couldn’t fix. Sorry about that.

I haven’t posted in over a week, sorry about that. My damn life keeps getting in the way. I’ve picked up so much good vinyl this week that I’m backlogged like a motherfucker. Stuff I keep wanting to get on here keeps getting pushed back with newer, better stuff. All of the following are off of one AMAZING comp I picked up called Revenge Of The Killer B’s, which was a collection of various B-sides from Warner Bros. artists, including The Pretenders, Madonna, Marshall Crenshaw and these guys below:

Depeche Mode – Sometimes I Wish I Was Dead
This is so upbeat and happy (despite the title) that it totally does not sound like a Mode song. I don’t know much about it, but it was recorded back with Vince Clark of Yaz fame was still in the band. I could totally see some New Romantic lookin’ dudes rocking out to this.

Talking Heads – I Wish You Wouldn’t Say That
Sometimes a band is so on fire that even the songs that don’t make the record are breathtaking (Pearl Jam circa 1991 and Radiohead circa 1997 both leap to mind)Recorded in ’77 when the band could do no wrong, this song has everything that makes the Talking Heads kick ass. This track is also available on their box set and their two-disc greatest hits package.

Echo And The Bunnymen – Way Out And Up We Go
My second Echo and The Bunnymen B-side! That makes me so happy. The more I hear of Echo And The Bunnymen the more I fall absolutely in love with them. According to the linear notes on Return Of The Killer B’s it was the B-side to ‘The Cutter’ and while it’s totally not as good as that song, it’s still pretty bitchin’.

In addition to those kick-ass jams I got some more for you:

Paul Hardcastle: 19 (Destruction Mix)
Now I’m totally getting political on your ass. I was born in 1979, right after the Vietnam War and I can tell you that it was a weird time. For people my age Vietnam seemed about as far away as World War II most of the time. With the scars pretty fresh in most people’s minds, no one really talked about it, and especially not to kids. But then something like Paul Hardcastle’s 19 would slam its way into the mainstream and would jar you into the reality that we were just a decade removed from one of the most controversial and deadly conflicts in American history. This mix adds some more vocals to the track, but its still just as effective.

M – Pop Musik (Long Version)
And now for something completely different! For me, “Pop Musik” is one of those songs that could just go on forever and I’d be happy. So imagine my delight in finding this “Long Version” maxi-single. Unfortunately, it’s not really the long version, it’s just not the short version (which was the version released as the single.) This track is readily available on M’s first album New York – London – Paris – Munich and countless compilations. Still, it’s such a great song I had to put it on here.

Hopefully that epic post might make up for the recent slump. I should have more for you guys (all three dozen of you) later this week.