I’m mostly over the flu now. Still feels like a mucus-heavy slug is trying to ooze its way out of my nasal cavity (how’s that for a mental picture?) but other than that I’m feeling quite lovely – and when I’m not that’s why I have Sudafed and Nyquil.

This past weekend I traveled to the Mad Max Wasteland that is Detroit to see The Foo Fighters. I’ve seen the Foos once before and while they impressed me then they totally floored my ass this time. Dave Grohl’s stage presence and commitment to entertaining his audience is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. He reminds me of Jason Lee in Almost Famous when yells “I work just as hard or harder than anybody on that stage. You know what I do? I connect. I get people off. I look for the guy who isn’t getting off, and I make him get off!”

Dave Grohl should have business cards made that say: “Dave Grohl: Gets People Off”.

That mother runs around the stage like a psycho on meth, screams at the top of his lungs and delivers guitar solos that melt faces. He makes sure that everyone seeing him leaves the arena higher than any drug could make them.

Unfortunately he made us all high as a kite right when we had to drive right into Detroit traffic which was made even worse by massive lane closures. So he basically gave us a bunch of sugar and told us to wait in line.

It was a very long trip home.

Crowded House
World Where You Live (Extended Version)
My favortie Crowded House song. It’s a beautiful song, but is it just me or he really just saying “That’s guy’s a douchebag” in a really creative way for four minutes? This extended version is only about a minute longer than the regular one and I grabbed it off of the 12” single.

The Clash
Do It Now
Sex Mad Roar
Everyone hates Cut The Crap but…well, nevermind I can’t figure out a way to end that sentence. It’s a pretty shitty album all around. However the single “This Is London” was actually pretty good and these b-sides to it aren’t bad either. These songs are also available on that massive singles box sex The Clash put out a year or two ago.

Ultravox
Love’s Great Adventure (Extended Version)
White China (Live)
This is latter-day “oh my god aren’t synthesizers awesome?” Ultravox, not early-on “let’s be avant-garde as a motherfucker” Ultravox. Your enjoyment of these B-sides will probably be dependent on your tolerance of “Vienna.”

OMD
So In Love (American Dance Remix)
I wanted to read up on OMD at Allmusic but it took me a bit because I had to search for “Orchestral Maneuvers In The Dark” and not OMD and since I can’t spell for shit it took a bit. This is off a 12” single that was fucked up so instead of having various mixes of this tune (like the label said) it really just had this track on it three times over. Very annoying.

I have the flu right now so chalk up any typos and mistakes found in today’s post to too much Nyquil and cough drops. Still, I’m not going to let a little crap fever stop me from rocking out and sharing my rocking out with all of you. This post is all Gary Numan-related because…um…I wanted it to be.

I got to interview Gary Numan once. Even though it was just over email it was very cool and definitely served as the highlight of my journalism career at the time. Unfortunately, the interview was for a magazine that went shit up right after I finished the assignment, so it was never printed. I was pissed. This year a very similar thing happened when I scored a phone roundtable interview with David Gilmour from Pink Floyd, but that’s a long story and I already feel like shit enough as it is. Here are some rare Numan-related tunes I picked up last month.

Gary Numan
We Take Mystery (To Bed) (Extended Version)
We Take Mystery (To Bed) (Early Version)
The Image Is
We Take Mystery (To Bed) was a single off of Numan’s 1982 album I, Assassin, and album which in my opinion was his last quality release until he reinvented himself with 1994’s industrial Sacrifice. If you get a chance to pick up I, Assassin I recommend it, in addition to this wonderfully bizarre song (what does “We take mystery to bed” mean? It sounds like the worst/best pick-up line ever) it also has one of my favorite Numan tracks “White Boys And Heroes.” These versions of “We Take Mystery…” and the third song were all taken off of the 12” single.

Sharpe And Numan
Change Your Mind (12” Single)
Fools In A World Of Fire
Remix, Remake, Remodel
I’m On Automatic (12” Remix)
Love Like A Ghost
Voices (’89 Remix)
I wish I had a scanner so I could so you the awesome get-up that Numan is rocking on the cover of “Change Your Mind.” He’s all decked out in white formal wear and make-up, with blue lipstick and eyeliner accenting his paleness. It’s like if Marilyn Manson was forced to grab some formal wear for a wedding on short notice.

Anyways, the Sharpe of Sharpe and Numan is a dude by the name of Bill Sharpe. He was in a band called Shakatak, a group I had never heard of until buying this single and researching him online. Shakatak (aside from sounding like some bizarre never-before-released 8-bit game featuring Shaq) was an early 80s jazz-funk band – which makes his teaming up with Numan even more bizarre and seemingly without reason.

Numan doesn’t sing on “Fools In a World On Fire” or “Remix, Remake, Remodel” and he doesn’t have a songwriting credit on them either, so their inclusion on the single is a little confusing. I’m not going to claim that all of these songs are particually good, but those interesting in Numan may find them pretty interesting (as will the four Shakatak fans who find this page via Google).

Hohokam
Harlequin Tears (12” Version)
Harlequin Tears (Single Edit)
To Sleep
Hohokam was one of the band’s on Numan’s short-lived label Numa Records. I know very little about the band and I’m too tired to research, find out yourself if you wanna!

I got Mass Effect for the Xbox 360 yesterday and that game is chocolate-covered crack dipped in heroin. The main reason for this post tonight is so I have an excuse to put the damn controller down and do something else. I close my eyes and all I see is that damn galactic map.

Must…find…Saren….

Frankie Goes To Hollywood
The World Is My Oyster (12″ mix)
Welcome to the Pleasuredome (Pleasure Fix)
The Only Star In Heaven (Star Fix)
The Power of Love (Extended Version)
Relax (US Mix)
Relax (Move)
Relax (From Soft To Hard)
It’s amazing that I’ve gone this long without posting what is probably one of the most infamous tracks of the 80s, “Relax.” The best song about (not) getting off ever written, it’s also one of the most famously controversial, in the UK that is. Us dumb bastards in America never seemed to realize what it was actually about.

Anyways, researching the different versions of “Relax” is a huge pain in the ass. Not only did ZZT (the band’s label) release countless different singles of the song, they also renamed many of the remixes when they did! The names I gave those three remixes are the original names for them, they are also known as “The Long Version” “The 7” Version” and “The Instrumental”, respectively. I included these names in the “other” field in the ID3 tags. For the other songs I also included th catalog numbers of the albums I got them from, to help stop confusion caused by the clusterfuck of singles out there.

I can’t find out much about “The World Is My Oyster”. My copy of Welcome To The Pleasuredome” is buried somewhere in my room and I’m not going to try and dig it out now. I do recall it only being a minute or so long on that album and not including the “Gonna jack you up/gonna jack you off!” line, but I could be wrong – it’s been a very very long time since I’ve listened to that album.

Anyways, I don’t think any of the versions of these songs that I’ve posted tonight are actually on Welcome To The Pleasuredome, but I could be wrong. If anyone can add light to the situation please let me know.

Book Of Love
I Touch Roses (Long-Stemmed Version)
On a completely unrelated note, this song kind of creeps me out. The chick keeps moaning “You can’t touch my roses.” That’s icky right? It’s not just me? This remix is on the CD re-issue of their debut album, but I got it from a 12” single.

Seriously, it’s rained like a bagillion inches here in Pittsburgh today – instead of crediting Al Gore for opening the debate on global warming and climate change I’m just going to blame it all on him – so by extension it’s his fault I got stuck in weather-related traffic and was late to class.

That fucker.

On an unrelated note…three posts in one week! I’d like to say this is the start of a new, prolific trend but you and I both know this shit isn’t going to last. So enjoy my sudden burst of productivity while it lasts.

N.E.R.D.
Rock Star (Jason Nevins Classic Club Blaster)
She Wants To Move (Native Tongue Remix)
She Wants To Move (Beenie Man feat. Ms. Thang vs. N.E.R.D.)
I wish that N.E.R.D. was bigger here in the states. It’s odd that Pharrell can turn out hit singles for eveyone else in pop music but his own releases by comparison are barely noticed. According to Wikipedia they’re huge in Europe. Once again proving that you bastards across the pond have better taste then us Americans – well other Americans that is, my taste is fucking amazing.

I’ve always said that “Rock Star” is my jam, which is especially impressive because I hate it when people refer a song as “their jam” but very few tunes get me pumped up like that one. When I’m doing something amazing (which, to be very honest, is quite often) and someone comments on my abilities I usually respond with, “You can’t believe I’m a rock star?”

Also, one of my dreams is to enact “She Wants To Move” in real-life, approaching some hot chick in a club and stealing her away from her man who won’t let her dance the way she wants to. I think if I tried that in real life I’d get maced in the face or punched in the balls. Anyways, these remixes are off of their respective 12” singles.

Dirty Vegas
Days Go By (Lucien Foort Mix)
Days Go By (Jark Prongo Mix)
Days Go By (Lucien Foort Instrumental Dub)
So Europe loves N.E.R.D. but we embrace these asshats just because they’re song was in a car commercial? Don’t get me wrong, this is a great song that was accompanied by an even greater video. It’s just too bad the album it was attached to sucked gigantic balls. Well, that’s not entirely true, it was just immensely boring. Dirty Vegas’ self-titled debut was techno for people for Savage Garden fans. So of course, the album was huge in America. Still, this is still a great song and these remixes of it are all immensly enjoyable. They all make me want to get out a piece of cardboard and dance for a forgotten love.

Space Raiders
(I Need The) Disko Doktor (Mutant Disko Doktor Mix)
(I Need The) Disko Doktor (Havana Goodtime Remix)
(I Need The) Disko Doktor (Legwarmer Remix)
Now I’m pretty sure that these guys were big nowhere. I only know them because I heard this tune in a remix somewhere and “A Song For Dot” was on the soundtrack to the video game “SSX Tricky” which I bought because I’m a huge nerd. These remixes are off of a 12” single.

I want The Disko Doktor to help diagnose my lack of funkitude.

Long day. Industrial music time. Smashy smashy.

Mussolini Headkick
Themes For Violent Retribution
It’s been a while since I put up a complete album so I thought I’d dig up this industrial gem from 1989 that’s sadly gone out of print. Mussolini Headkick was the side-project of Luc Van Acker, who himself is a member of Al Jourgensen’s side-project Revolting Cocks. While Jourgensen’s side-project was an excuse for him to a silly bastard with songs like a cover of Rod Stewart’s “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?” Mussolini Headkick was an outlet for Van Acker to be a miserable sod, with tunes like “Your God Is Dead” and “Plain Unhappy.” It’s not exactly upbeat dance music, but fans of industrial music should dig it. As I said before, this record is out of print and CDs of it go for 50 bucks on eBay. This is a rip off my own personal vinyl copy and I think it came out pretty well.

Oh, and one more thing. The cover for this record is really something – but don’t look at it and think it’s a pro-Nazi thing – he’s really making an anti-Nazi statement with it. Even though, I thought it would be a good idea for me not to thumbnail that one.

Die Warzau
Never Again (Atlantic Mix)
Never Again (Pacific Mix)
Never Again (Dead Sea Mix)
Never Again (Baltic Mix)
Never Again (Caspian Mix)
Never Again (Bosphorus Mix)
I’m sure you’re thinking “Hurray, 20 million remixes of a song I’ve never heard of, thanks a lot Lost Turntable dude.” First of all, stop being an asshole, that’s my job. And secondly, even if you haven’t heard of Die Warzau you should check out these mixes. This is industrial-dance of the Ministry variety, which makes sense since these guys were also part of the Chicago industrial scene. That’s right, even though they have that amazingly German sounding name these dudes were from Chicagoland.

Earlier this week I was in a super-shitty mood and I was going to post nothing but hardcore industrial mindfucks. Now I’m less in a shitty mood and more in a bored melancholy mood, which of course means I’m listening to 80s British rock. The connection makes sense to me. It also serves as a good excuse for me to dump some of my more obscure British (and Scottish) tunes on to unsuspecting masses.

But before that…now is the time where I once again use my blog for my own personal and highly selfish gains. Since I am in super-British mood I am looking for a copy of C86. If anyone could rapidshare or torrent it somehow I would greatly appreciate it. Now that I think about it if anyone wants to share a copy of C81 I would appreciate it too. I’ll hook you up.

And if you have no idea what the hell I’m talking about when I say C86 and C81, just move on down to the Mp3s and enjoy the Super Bowl.

No-Man
Colours
Colours (Remodel)
Drink Judas
Okay, never heard of No-Man before I bought this. I picked this up only because it was a cover of a Donovan tune. It’s super-trippy (trippier than the Donovan version actually) and if I did acid I would totally trip out to it. But I don’t do acid (I’m confused enough) so I’ll just spin around in circles for a while.

Primal Scream
Don’t Fight It, Feel It (Remix)
Don’t Fight It, Feel It (Whistling Mix)
Don’t Fight It, Feel It (Scat mix)
Speaking of acid, they called this kind of music Acid House when it broke, but if any drug would enhance this kick as Primal Scream tune I think I would be pot. If I smoked pot I would totally smoke pot while listening to this song. But I don’t smoke pot (I’m lazy enough). These remixes are B-sides to “Movin’ On Up.”

The Three Johns
Never And Always
Turn Up Those Down-Hearted Blues
The two Johns are They Might Be Giants, so who the hell are these guys? According to Wikipedia one of the dudes in it is from The Mekons. They confuse me too so that only makes sense. This is some crazy fast-paced dance-rock. If I did ecstasy I would totally roll to this but I don’t do ecstasy (I’m hyper enough).

Killing Joke
Sanity (The Roman Mix)
Um…I dunno, PCP? I’m very tired and out of drug references.