My computer finally bit the big one today. It was the end of a long illness and its death should be celebrated as an end the suffering its endured for the past few years. Also, all my important stuff was backed up on an external hard drive, so it’s not the complete end of the world.

However, it does pose a problem since the laptop I am currently working on has no audio outputs for me to hook up my external soundcard, therefore making it impossible for me to currently record albums from my turntable. I could use the USB cable, but my limited experience with that is shit and I won’t subject my loyal fanbase to any more substandard recordings than I already have.

I should have enough stuff in my queue to sustain myself until I get a new computer and can resume the ripping. However as the well dries up things might get a little odd and obscure (even for me) so bare with me for the next few weeks.

Basement Jaxx
Daluma
Jus Becuz
Slide Slide
Fly Life (“Brix” Mix)
Fly Life (Erick “More” Dub)
Fly Life (Roni Size “Flyzs” Mix)
I almost labeled these as Chemical Brothers tracks, that’s how discombobulated this whole computer situation has made me. Luckily I caught the grievous error in time. The first three of these tracks is from the creatively-titled EP 3, which also included the track “Fly Life.” I’m not including that track because it is easily available on the band’s singles collection. But speaking of “Fly Life” I also had the 12” single to that, which was released when the previously mentioned singles collection came out and that’s where those remixes originated.

Dust Brothers – The Fight Club Remixes
This Is Your Life
What Is Fight Club? (Wally Gagel Remix)
Finding The Bomb (CMG Remix)
Chemical Burn (Headshop Remix)
Who Is Tyler Durden? (Dust Remix)
Homework (Fitz Remix)
I totally forgot I had this. I found it when I was rebuilding my iTunes playlists. So I guess something good came out of the whole crash-and-burn computer thing. I’m fairly certain these remixes were never released on CD and were only available on a 12” that I picked up God knows when.

I get much love from the comments:

“There MIGHT be another post in a few hours. Don’t get your hopes up too much though.” FUCK. Do you really think that anyone cares about what you have to say? the only reason anyone goes to your blog is to download music for free.

How does one respond to such insightful criticism? List my site statistics that show my rapidly growing fanbase? Reprint letters and comments by people who thank me for my educational comments on audio recording, obscure music and vinyl collecting? Mention that this blog is linked by several high-profile music sites? What’s the point? Those are all intelligent and well-thought out repsosnes to a blind and poorly written nonsensical rant. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned from this current presidential election is that you can’t fight bullshit with rational thinking. I think the best thing I can do is ignore him since I refuse to sink to his level.

Besides, he’s just a little bitch. I should know, his mom told me last night (at least I think that’s what she said, her mouth was full).

Madonna
Music (RHV Funkytown Club)
Music (RHV Funkytown Dub)
This is one of my weirder finds as of late. Occasionally Jerry will pick up a ton of records from a DJ. Sometimes they include a few oddball unmarked white-labels. I’ve found some excellent stuff this way, the highlight still being the unreleased remixes of Billy Idol’s cover of “Heroin” (much better than it sounds, trust me). More recently I unearthed these fairly good mixes of my favorite Madonna tune. The 12” doesn’t have any information on it other than a scribble of a DJ name I can’t make out, followed by “Madonna – Music” and a smiley face. The only reason I know the name of the remixes is because they’re etched into the groove.

!!! (Chk Chk Chk)
Take Ecstasy With Me
Get Up
I have mixed feelings about this band, from their annoying name to their occasionally repetive and mind-numbing style. However, their decision to release an EP with a Magnetic Fields cover as the A-side and a Nate Dogg cover as the B-side is brilliant in ways I can only hope to one day achieve.

Crystal Method
You Know It’s Hard (Boris & Beck Sinister Vocal Mix)
You Know It’s Hard (Boris & Beck Sinister Dub)
You Know It’s Hard (Koma & Bones Gaping Axe Wound Remix)
The title to this song always makes me giggle. Oh please, like it surprises you that I’m that immature. These are from a 12” single.

There MIGHT be another post in a few hours. Don’t get your hopes up too much though.

New music review roundup:

Motorhead: Motorizer – Fucking metal!!
DragonForce: Ultra Beatdown – Fucking power metal!!
Toadies: No Deliverance – Fucking…I dunno..um, it’s really good!!

And although I’m not reviewing it I do have to say that the new Metallica album is surprisingly not entirely awful. Yeah, I’m shocked too.

Jean Michel Jarre
Oxygene (Dado Ethnic Remix)
Oxygene (Hani’s Oxygene 303)
Oxygene (Sunday Club Remix)
Oxygene (Takkyu Ishino Remix)

RJD2
Exotic Talk (Alternate Version)
Get Off My Spaceship Bitch
The Move
Get Off My Spaceship Bitch might be the best b-side title in the history of all things. These are from a clear vinyl single of “Exotic Talk.” “The Move” is kind of scratchy but I can’t tell if it’s supposed to be that way.

Simian Mobile Disco
Hustler (Extended Club Remix)
Hustler (Armand Van Helden Remix)
I liked these guys first album but damn are they overrated. I had a whole rant about rock critics giving bias to rock artists who experiment with electronic music, but I’m far too annoyed and tired right now. Instead just enjoy these remixes.

First some business must be attended to. I am tired of getting variations of the following comment:

“Dude, where are the songs?”

Okay, now I want you to look at the top left corner of the sidebar. See the part that says “songs are only available for a limited time”? Good. Now piss off I got shit to do.

Moving on. A few days ago a commenter asked if I could tape my “record hunts/digs” to show what I go through to find all these bitchin’ LPs. I appreciate the idea and I’m flattered that anyone would care enough about my shitty little site to care that much, but that’s a really bad idea. I’m sure many of you assume that I go on these epic adventures for Pet Shop Boys 12” singles that involve Indiana Jones-like quests into dark caverns of crates that few humans have ever laid eyes on. Sorry, that’s not the case.

Let me go over for you all a typical record-finding journey.

• Step 1: Get out bed.
• Step 2: Leave house
• Step 3: Walk (or drive if I’m feeling lazy) the three or so blocks to Jerry’s Records.
• Step 4: Ask Jerry “what’s new.”
• Step 5: Buy the response.

That’s really about it. No bullshit, 99 percent of the albums I feature on this blog I picked up from Jerry’s Records. I’ll occasionally pick up an album from 720 Records or another local record store but that’s about it when it comes to my local record buying. When I’m in other cities I check out their record stores but Jerry’s is so amazingly amazing (and fucking cheap) that I usually don’t have to (expection: Culture Clash). Sorry to demystify it for you.

Pet Shop Boys
Go West (Mings Gone West First And Second Movement)
Go West (Farley & Heller Disco Mix)
Go West (Farley & Heller Fire Island Mix)
Go West (Kevin Saunderson Tribe Mix)
Go West (Kevin Saunderson Trance Mix)
In an act of solidarity with my fabulous brethern, I am protesting the Republican National Convention (AKA the racist sexist homophobic xenophobe douchebag idiot asshole gathering) by posting the gayest thing I could find; The Pet Shop Boys covering The Village People. These are from a CD single.

Pete Shelley
Homosapien (Special Mix)
Yesterday’s Not Here (Special Mix)
Witness The Change/I Don’t Know What It Is (Extended Combo Version)
Strike that, “Homosapien” is the gayest thing I could find. It’s a sad day when The Pet Shop Boys are out-gayed on my blog. Pete Shelley isn’t gay, he’s bi, but that didn’t stop him from writing one of the most non-subtle songs about doing it with a dude ever (“homo superior/in my interior” – I don’t think he’s talking about the X-Men hanging out in his den). I never heard this song until I saw the amazing video during VH1 Classic’s 80 Hours Of 80s and I never even knew that Pete Shelley had a solo career, not to mention a solo career that started with one of the cheeziest synth-pop albums of the decade. I would love to hear “Homosapien” and other songs from that album redone as Buzzcocks-style rockers. These strange mixes are from a 12” single.

Big Country
Look Away 12” Mix
Restless Natives: The Soundtrack Part I
These are come from the 12” single of “Look Away” and while the 12” remix of “Look Away” is totally awesome and worth downloading, the real treat here is the b-side, which is half of the soundtrack to the film “Restless Natives,” a rarely seen Scottish movie starring Ned Beatty. When researching it I found more than one person proclaiming it to be “the greatest Scottish movie ever made.” I don’t know about that since I’ve never seen it (although the fact that it stars Ned Beatty makes me doubt that claim). Anyways, Big Country did the soundtrack for it and that soundtrack has been notoriously hard to find ever since. In fact it wasn’t made available on CD until 1998, when it was included on a Big Country rarities compilation, appropriately titled Restless Natives & Rarities. Of course, nothing is ever easy and that 2 CD is now out of print, going for upwards of $100 on eBay. Now, that’s fucking nuts and at first I thought it was totally uncalled for, but then I listened to it. This is a really good soundtrack, and if you like instrumental guitar music ala Mark Knoplfer then you have to hear it. But as the “part 1” in the title suggests, this is only half of the soundtrack. If you want to track down the second half and don’t feel like coughing up $100 bucks do some searching (*cough* The Pirate Bay *cough*) and you should be able to find it. If if comes my way I’ll be sure to put up the whole thing here.

Tonight’s post is vagtastical.

Be Your Own Pet
Bicycle Race
Bicycle, Bicycle (Summer Summer EP version)
The only time Pitchfork and I have been in complete in total agreement is in regards to this band. We both loved their first CD, liked very much their second and were completely and totally fucking bummed when they decided to call it quits this month. I had the lucky opportunity to see the whirling teenyboppers from hell when they played Lollapalooza a few years ago and I am so happy I did. Jemina is a fucking monster on stage, spinning, screaming, dancing and puking – she’s the best female rock star since Deborah Harry. I really hope she starts up something else soon, she has too much energy to keep quiet.

Be Your Own Pet has very few rarities so I really had to stretch it with these bike-centric picks. This version of “Bicycle, Bicycle” is not the one that is on the band’s self-titled debut LP, but is instead the version that was on their first EP Summer Sensation. It’s more lo-fi than the LP version but really bitchin and still hyper-energetic and manic. The cover of Bicycle Race is off a Queen tribute compilation.

Siouxsie & The Banshees
Let Go
The Humming Wires
Siousxie could be called the proto-Jemma (she could definitely be called the proto-Karen O.). How come there aren’t any great alternative bands with female lead singers anymore? The Banshees, The Slits, L7, The Plasmatics, Joan Jett and The Go-Gos, remember them? Now what is there? Fucking Paramore, Flyleaf, Evanescence and Tokio Hotel (oh right, that’s a “guy”)? No wonder so many young girls are falling for shitty band with pretty boy lead singers, they have no one to tell them how to rock! Someone should lock Hanna Montanna/Miley Cyrus/WTF into a room with a bunch of L7 records until she’s ready tolead the tweens of America to a glorious revolution of post-glam hardcore punk rock. Don’t tell me that wouldn’t be totally awesome.

The Bangles
Hazy Shade Of Winter (Purple Haze Mix)
Hazy Shade Of Winter (7” Dub Mix)
This is the only song by The Bangles that is ever going to be on this site, unless there is some 12” remix of “Eternal Flame” I don’t know about. The day I enjoy “Walk Like An Egyptian” is the day I jam a rusty ice pick in my ear.

I don’t like that song.

Anyways, these remixes are from the 12” single.

Bananarama
Venus (Extended Mix)
Okay, now I’m really stretching the whole “girl rock” theme I started out with. I just wanted an excuse to finally put this 12” single remix on the site and off of my queue.

Super-ultra-cool Pop Will Eat Itself tracks! Hot off the turntable! I’m so happy I found these that I don’t even want to complain and rant tonight! I know, I’m shocked and disappointed too, but don’t worry my feelings of joy and happiness will soon pass.

I’m going to try to explain where all these tracks came from and where else you can get them, but it’s a little confusing and I’m writing this at 2:30 in the morning, so I apoloigize in advance if what you are about to read makes no sense.

Pop Will Eat Itself
Bubbles
From the 12” single for “Beaver Patrol” (sigh) single. Now available on the re-issued Now For A Feast! CD.

Oh Grebo I Think I Love You (New Version)
Also on “Beaver Patrol” (that doesn’t get any less stupid with repeated sayings) but this “new version” which is twice as long as the original one is not on any CD as of yet.

Def. Con. One. (12” Version)
If I have to tell you that this is from the “Def. Con. One.” 12” then you can’t read my blog anymore because you’re too stupid. It’s not on CD.

Inside You (Live)
She’s Surreal (Live)
Hit The Hi Tech Groove (Live)
Also on the Def. Con. One. 12”. The live “Inside You” is on the Now For A Feast! CD. Strangely the other two live tracks were put on the re-issued Box Frenzy CD.

Love Missle F1-11 (Designer Grebo Megamix)
Love Missle F1-11 (Original Poppies Mix)
Okay, now it gets (even more) confusing. There are two F1-11 12” singles. The first one has these two remixes on it. The “Grebo” mix is unavailable on CD while the “Original Poppies Mix” is on that “Now For A Feast!” CD.

Orgone Accumulator (Hawkwind cover…wait, they covered Hawkwind?!?! WTF?)
Everything That Rises (Shriekback cover)
Everything That Rises (New Version)
Like An Angel (A cover of someone…possibly The Mighty Lemondrops)
And now it gets even MORE confusing. “Orgone Accumulator” and “Everything That Rises” are on both F1-11 12” singles. However, while the both have the same version of “Orgone Accumulator” (even though one is called the “new version”) the versions of “Everything That Rises” are different. Finally, “Like An Angel” is only on the second F1-11 single. These are all on CD (I think) expect one of the versions of “Everything That Rises” – but I don’t know which one.

Do you know if I made any mistakes? I don’t care. However I will give a Lost Turntable no-prize to anyone who can tell me what the fuck a grebo is though. As far as I can tell it’s a retarded looking white British kid with dredlocks.

That title right there was almost the name of this blog. Yikes.

I wasn’t going to post anything else this week but I found two soundtrack so batshit nuts crazy that I had to force myself to make time.

Sounds From True Stories – Music For Activities Freaks
I have a music/movie nerd confession to make…I’ve never seen True Stories. Yeah, I know it’s a great weird bizarre cult classic that every Talking Heads fans should see. It’s totally on my Netflix queue I swear! But so is The Stuff, Wild Zero and countless 70s European softcore porno movies and I’m only one man dammit! I own the album though and just yesterday I was lucky enough to find this ultra-rare companion soundtrack to the film which features all the non-Talking Heads tracks. There aren’t many songs on this record really, most of it is just incidential music, but hardcore David Byrne freaks should enjoy it (and fans of Muzak). It’s never been released on CD and goes for about 20 bucks on eBay. That one surprised me, I would have figured it’d be much higher, kind of like the next album…

Three O’Clock High – Original Motion Picture Soundtrack.
Growing up as a socially arkward child with too much access to VHS tapes I saw this movie a lot growing up. I don’t remember much of it, but I do recall loving it. I probably liked it because the nebbish bookworm gets the girl and beats the shit out of the bully. Anyways, I grabbed this soundtrack a few days ago for nostalgia’s sake without even realizing it was by Tangerine Dream (for the most part, more on that in a bit). I went online to see how much this one was going for and holy shit! The prices are a little lower on eBay but you can still expect to shell out 20 to 30 bucks on this one. That is nucking futs! At first that blew my mind but after doing some research it started to make more sense.

Most of this soundtrack is by Tangerine Dream. If you rented a movie that was made in the 80s you’ve probably heard Tangerine Dream, since they did the scores to movies as diverse as Risky Business, Legend and Miracle Mile (GREAT movie btw). However, also contributing to the soundtrack is a dude by the name of Sylvester Levay. What Tangerine Dream was to movie soundtrack in the 80s Levay was to TV soundtracks because he is the man who brought us the theme to Airwolf (speaking of insane eBay auctions…). The combined force of Levay and TD is probably the reason why this puppy can be found on some sites for as much as 70 bucks.

They aren’t the only composers though. Someone named Jim Walker contributes the obligatory end credits song. I have no idea if he is the same Jim Walker who played drums in Public Image Ltd., I doubt it – although I am fairly certain it’s not Jimmy Walker. Rounding things out is Rick Moratta and David Tickle, who composed, produced and performed the final track on the album “Arrival”. I don’t know who Moratta is, but Tickle is a world-renowned producer, having worked with Prince, Adam and and Split Enz.

German ambient pioneers, 80s TV composers and the guy who produced Prince’s Parade all on one LP. I love the randomness of 80s cult soundtracks.

Double Argh. Life is totally dominating my…um…life right now, so I apologize again for the lack of posts and the lack of amazing commentary by me in said posts. Too tired to talk right now.

If you’re looking for a rant go read my review of the new Lost Boys soundtrack. Holy fuck it’s balls.

Dokken
Back For The Attack
Little known fact: I am totally metal. Doubt my metalness? Last week I went to the Metal Masters show and saw the majestic awesomeness of Motorhead, Heaven And Hell and Judas Priest. Lemmy is god. I’m reviewing Motorhead’s new CD, which is pretty good, and I’ll link to it once it’s done. Anways, although I’m a huge metal fan I’ve never been that into Dokken. I am however, very much into A Nightmare On Elm Street and this was the B-side to their “Dream Warrior” single. It is strangely not on the album of the same name.

Doobie Brothers
Listen To The Music (Motiv8 12” Mix)
Listen To The Music (Man City Dub)
Listen To The Music (Rampantly Pleasureable Mix)
How does something like this happen? These remixes aren’t from some fly-by-night bootleg label either, these were released by Warner Bros! What’s even stranger is that they aren’t the first dance-happy Doobie Bros. remixes I’ve heard. A while ago I bought a 12” single for a re-release of “Long Train Runnin'” that was absoultely hideous, worse than the version that was in DDR a few years back. I also remember a Toledo area DJ called DJ Daddy sampling “Black Water” in his live set, and that was actually pretty cool. These remixes aren’t bad either.

Michael Sembello
Maniac (Vocal Remix)
The college that I am currently trying to escape from is primarily known as a dance school, and as an overweight uncoordinated oaf seeing all those skinny pricks in leotards is very annoying. I have this fantasy of showing up to school one day, dressed as Jennifer Beals, and dancing to this song in the middle of a lecture hall untill I’m forcibly removed. That’s not just burning a bridge that’s blowing the motherfucker up. This remix is from a 12” single.

The thorn in my plan? They don’t make leg warmers that fit me.

Garbage
When I Grow Up (Danny Tenaglia’s Club Mix)
Special (Brothers In Rhythm Mix)
Good remixes of good songs by a good band. I’m tired and that’s all I got.

Argh. It’s been a long week and now Friday is approaching and I realize that I’ve only put up one post this week. That pisses me off because my backlog of awesome shit to put up is getting opressive again. I have to head out of town this weekend and I’m kind of throwing this post together just because I wanted to put something up, so it is super random, even for me.

Faith No More
Ashes To Ashes (Dillinja Remix)
Ashes To Ashes (Hardknox Alternative Mix)
Until I found this strange 12” single I didn’t know that remixes of Faith No More songs existed. These are radically different mixes than the original album version. The first one is very drum and bass (and cool) while the other is slightly more faithful to the original – it almost features the song’s chorus. I didn’t like them at first but they’ve grown on me.

The Cardigans
Lovefool (Tee’s Club Radio)
Lovefool (Tee’s Frozen Sun Mix)
Lovefool (Puck Version)
Speaking of shit that’s grown on me (eww, when I say it like that it sounds gross). I used to hate this song, but now I kind of like it. Maybe I am becoming a pussy in my old age. The first two remixes are dancey and bouncy while the “Puck” version is really a semi-obscenely named acoustic take. It’s pretty. Not Portishead pretty, but pretty.

Yes
Owner Of A Lonely Heart (Red & Blue Remix)
This is kind of a dub remix I think. It’s really weird. No weirder than a prog-rock band reinventing itself as a new wave pop band though. From a 12”.

Toadies
Cut Me Out
The Toadies have a new album out. It’s called No Deliverance and it’s really good. I’m reviewing it for Bullz-eye and once it’s live I’ll link to it. In the meantime here’s a great Toadies track that isn’t on any Toadies album as far as I know. “Cut Me Out” was originally own the Escape From L.A. Soundtrack. A good soundtrack to a not-so-good movie, it featured Tool, Butthole Surfers and a few other good bands (and Gravity Kills). VERY much a sign of its times. This is one of the best track from that album.

I heard that The Toadies covered Gary Numan’s “Cars” for a b-side or something. If anyone could find that for me I’d totally be your BFF.

I’ve previously expounded on the ups and downs of working as a freelance music reviewer, but today I was exposed to a new low, lower than even that damn Tokio Hotel album.

I had to review the soundtrack to Lost Boys: The Tribe, the straight-to-DVD sequel to The Lost Boys AKA the second greatest 80s vampire movie (Near Dark wins bitches). It was painful and a little bit of me died inside when I head those shitty little emo/horror-punk fuckers Aiden covering the classic “Cry, Little Sister.” Didn’t they name themselves after a character in The Ring? I think it’s safe to say they don’t know a fucking thing about horror. You want to prove you’re real hardcore when it comes to horror? Name your band after a character from an Argento film.

The review of that shitstorm will be up soon, I’ll share it with you all when the time comes. In the meantime here are some links to my reviews of recent albums that I actually liked.

Mugison’s Mugiboogie is a weird-ass collection of incredibly diverse tracks by a one-man Icelandic recording machine.

Computer vs. Banjo: Best band name I’ve heard in a while. I’m eagerly awaiting the accordion vs.turntable follow-up.

Middle Class Rut: Proof that I don’t hate all new pop-punk.

Lost Brothers
Cry Little Sister (I Need U Now) (Club Mix)
Cry Little Sister (I Need U Now) (Gladiator Remix)
These are trance remake/remixes of the original Lost Boys theme track. While they aren’t amazing and might get on the nerves of some less techno-friendly folk, they are both about a billion times better and more original than Aiden’s botched abortion of a cover.

The Killers
When You Were Young (Jacques Lu Cont’s Thin White Duke Mix)
When You Were Young (The Lindbergh Palace Remix)
When You Were Young (Jacques Lu Cont’s Thin White Duke Dub)
When You Were Young (The Lindbergh Palace Dub)
I got my roommate (who is from China) into The Killers, which is quite a feat considering that the last American band I heard coming out of his iPod was Chicago – and it wasn’t even “good” Chicago, it was “You’re The Inspiration.” His interest in the Las Vegas New-New Wavers came from that new Nike commercial. Although he originally thought the lyrics to that tune were “I got soul cuz I’m not sober.” Meh. Close enough. These remixes of an entirely different song are from a 2LP 12” single.

John Lydon
Psychopath (Leftfield Dub Remix)
Psychopath (Leftfield Remix #3)
I’m not buying that Lydon is a racist prick. Well, I think it’s common knowledge that he’s a prick, I mean, damn he cussed out Duffy – what did she ever do to anyone? But I’m more apt to believe his side of the story than mister “Mercury’s in retrograde.” But if he is actually a racist then I hope he tries that shit with the guy from Gym Class Heroes, because apparently he doesn’t take to kindly to being called the N-word (horribly shot YouTube video of incident here). Side note: don’t hate on GCH because of race, hate on them because of their awful music. But I digress, these two remixes from the supposed xenophobe are from a 12” and neither of them are the Leftfield Mix that appears on the Psycho’s Path album – which is a really good record by the way.