Polyrock! And The Night of Announcements!

November 16th, 2012

Okay, so for months now I’ve been teasing that I have been working on a mysterious something, and now I think I’m finally ready to announce what that something is.

When I first started Lost Turntable in 2006 I had no idea how it would effect my life. Writing this stupid little blog as gotten me several writing gigs, led me to meet people I would have never met otherwise, and led me to discover more wonderful and weird music than I ever thought possible.

I love writing about and sharing all this rare and lost music with you all, and I’m never going to stop doing it. However, in the past few months I have found that writing strictly about rare and hard-to-find music that is A) out-of-print and B) I own, has become someone constricting. I’m more than just rare new wave and pop! (Really, I am!) I want to write about other topics in music, movies and other aspects of pop culture. I want to interview more people, and not just the big names that I cover occasionally in the few print magazines that are gracious enough to pay me for my work. I want to go after the “has beens” and the “never wases,” those who have found themselves on the edges of the pop culture landscape. I’ve always thought that those were the people who have the most interesting stories. Look at my post about Exotic Birds, for example, that dude has lived a life 1000 times more interesting than anyone in Nickleback, I guarantee it.

To that end I am happy to announce that next month I will be launching a brand new website, a companion to the Lost Turntable, if you will, that will have a much broader focus, one that will include music, movies, video games and anything else I feel like writing about. I’m still not comfortable with sharing the name or giving an exact launch date, but it will be soon. Things are finally starting to come together and with my election-imposed depression finally lifting, I’m finding myself writing a hell of a lot more.

But wait! There’s more! In addition to launching my new website, I am finally going to give Lost Turntable a bit of a visual overhaul. I’ve had several complaints from readers over the years that the harsh black-on-white color scheme of The Lost Turntable isn’t exactly easy on the eyes, and that it makes switching back and forth from it to other sites nearly impossible. I’m finally going to do something about this! So sufferers of eye strain rejoice! Your days of Lost Turntable-induced headaches are nearing their end.

A third announcement! One that will probably matter to a lot less of you!

One of the things I’m most proud about with The Lost Turntable is that I don’t make anyone jump through hoops to get music. No Rapidshare or other file-sharing site links. I hate those things. They’re a hassle. I’ve always just bitten the bullet and paid for my own damn server so I can host the files on my own. (And while I’m tooting my own horn, I’d also like to point out that I never ask for donations or stick ads on this site either – no one should  make money off of music they don’t own the rights to)

For several years that server has been hosted by Dreamhost, a cheap, unlimited hosting service that came to me highly recommended. I wish I remember who exactly recommended them to me now, because I’d throw an anvil at them.

Dreamhost is a big wet bag of dogshit. Not a month goes by where I don’t experience some downtime, and typically for things that could easily be avoided if their IT team wasn’t run by brain damaged gerbils. I’m giving Dreamhost the boot this month and moving to a new hosting service. If they end up not sucking, I’ll let you all know who they are. This should not effect how my site runs or is viewed in anyway, I just wanted to give you all the heads up if I temporarily vanish during the transfer.

So yeah, a lot going on huh? And of course I pick the month before I embark on a three week trip to China and Japan to start it all! But hey, nothing motivates me like an unrelenting mountain of deadlines and pressure!

That and obscure new wave music, that usually serves as good motivator as well, and speaking of which…

 

Polyrock – Above The Fruited Plain
Working On My Love
Call Of The Wild
Chains Of Iron
Broken China
Indian Song
It’s a sad fact of the music industry that a lot of great bands simply don’t make it. But it doesn’t make it any less infuriating when it happens.

Take Polyrock, for example. I’ve written about them before, but I keep coming back to them because I find their music so stunning, and their continued lack of mainstream, or even cult, appeal completely mystifying.

No one sounded like Polyrock when their first album came out in 1980, and no one has since. They remain 100% unique, a rare feet in a world where even the most obscure and unknown of musical artists are pillaged and ripped off by lesser acts on a seemingly daily basis.

Polyrock’s continued exile in obscurity is even more baffling when you discover that legendary minimalist composer Philip Glass worked as the producer (and occasional keyboardist) on both of the band’s full-length albums. Glass was one of the most influential and exciting composers of the 70s and 80s, how is one of his only contributions to the pop music landscape is still undiscovered and not talked about?

Both of Polyrock’s two full-length albums, their 1980 self-titled debut and 1981’s Changing Hearts, have occasionally fallen back into print thanks to the re-issue label Wounded Bird Records, but this 1983 EP has never seen the light of day since its original release.

Glass was not aboard for Above The Fruited Plain, and I’m sad to say that his absence is rather obvious. None of the songs on the EP have the same abstract, minimalist vibe that band’s previous work did. It sounds much more like a pop record, although that may have been a conscious effort by the band. This was their only release not on a major label, and I suspect its existence, and slight lean to the mainstream, was an effort to get attention from a major in hopes of getting signed. Alas, that never happened and the band called it quits shortly after its release.

I don’t walk to talk it down too much though. Yes, it may be a little less risky and experimental than the group’s previous work, but it’s still a great collection of songs, and nearly all of the songs on Above The Fruited Plain could stand side-by-side with the group’s greatest Glass-produced cuts. Highlights for me is “Call Of the Wild,” which features keyboardist Cathy Oblasney taking over vocals from guitarist Billy Robertson, and the fast-paced “Broken China,” which gets my vote for best shoulda-been-a-contender song of 1982.

Enjoy! And if anyone out there knows where I can reach anyone in Polyrock, let me know! I’m trying to put something together about them and other bands like them for that new site!

 

Squirrels! And Pop Music!

November 14th, 2012

There’s a monster behind me.

Well, not a monster. But something. And it’s literally behind me. In my closet.

Let me explain. My office/gaming area/general nerd den has a closet that is directly my computer desk. On Monday morning I was cleaning up when I heard a strange noise coming from said closet. I glanced over and saw a fucking paw sticking out from under the door. That door has no latch. The only thing separating me from the furry demon on the other side was the chance that it wouldn’t actually press up against the door.

I made a beeline for the door, putting my weight against it, it scurried off (probably back out the way it came, the door to the attic) and I immediately threw about four heavy boxes in front of the door, just in case it decided to return.

Now whenever I hear a noise in my home I naturally assume it’s another squirrel/muskrat/raccoon/opossum/bigfoot/that fucking thing in the Creepshow movie and that it’s secretly, quietly plotting a way to get out from the closet and to me so it can murderize me.

So if you see a headline about a large man in Pittsburgh being found dead in his house under mysterious circumstances, know it was the squirrels. They came for me…

So um…who wants some 80s pop music?

Janet Jackson
Control (The Video Mix)
What Have You Done For Me Lately (Extended Mix)
When I Think Of You (Dance Remix)
Let’s Wait Awhile (Remix)
I got these tracks from a remix album! Remember remix albums? Shit, remember albums?

Kylie Minogue
It’s No Secret (12″ Version)
Made In Heaven (Maid In England Mix)
That is not a typo, it is supposed to be “Maid.” Why? Fuck if I know. Let’s just blame it on the 80s and move on.

Like most 80s Kylie, this is some sugary pop music. Sweet as cotton candy and just as light. I listen to it now more as a curiosity than anything else, it hasn’t exactly stood the test of time (unlike her cover of “Locomotion,” which is still bangin’). I know Kylie has in the past taken some her older material and updated it for her live show, but I can’t imagine that either of these songs could be updated in anyway at all. They sound more like Debbie Gibson tunes than Kylie tracks.

Electoral Dance

November 8th, 2012

Hey remember when a religious zealot tried to win the presidency but forgot that people who weren’t white/rich/straight/assholes voted?

Let’s never speak of his name again. Instead let’s dance to silly remixes.

Tori Amos
God (The Thinking Mix 2)
God (Acapella Vocal and Rain Mix)
God (The Rainforest Resort Mix)
God (The CJ Bolland Mix)
Talula (BT’s Synethasia Mix)
Now that the election is over, I can get back to obsessing over the things that really matter, like why the hell there hasn’t been a box set release of Tori Amos remixes?

I’ve lamented about this before, and I’m sure I’ll lament about it again when I inevitably post more Tori Anos remixes, but it’s one of those things that just drives me insane. There must be close to a hundred, if not more, amazing Tori Amos remixes that are out of print, and goddamit I want a way to get them that doesn’t involve me hunting down every 12″ single and CD maxi-single under the sun. I have better things to do.

Well, maybe not, but still, it’s annoying.

These are pretty good remixes, even though most of them don’t focus on Amos’ lyrics. The “God” mixes are the best, while the BT mix of “Talula” is a little on the repetitive side for me. His “Tornado” mix of the song was way better, but I’m not sharing that since you can get that everywhere. And you should, as it’s really freakin’ good.

808 State
10 x 10 (Hitman’s Club Mix)
10 x 10 (Hitman’s Instrumental Mix)
10 x 10 (Trans Disco Express)
10  x 10 (Black Eye Mix)
La Luz (Chunky Funky Mix)
I only own one 808 State album, their legendary 1991 opus Ex:El, which has the timeless “Cubik” as well as awesome songs featuring Bjork and Bernard Sumner. I am not familiar with Gorgeous, the album from which “10 x 10″ is from. However, after hearing “10 x 10″ and falling batshit in love with its blessed house sound, I bought the album and plan on listening to it in its entirety while I drive to Toledo (shudder) this week. This is my favorite kind of house music, equal parts 90s rave and 80s “let the diva scream her lungs out” dance music.

I also love the sampled “10 x 10 x 10 x 10 x 10″ vocal bit. I was muttering it when I was working out this morning, I’m sure that made me look like Rain Man while I was on the treadmill, but whatever.

Situation Someone Wins

November 7th, 2012

Big Audio Dynamite II
Rush (12″ Mix)
Rush (Club Instrumental)
Rush (Live)
Rush (New York 12″ Mix)
Rush (New York Club Mix)
Rush (New York Instrumental Mix)
Rush (UK White Label Mix)
Rush Dance
Obama won! So I’m playing my favorite song.

Ah…and with that I feel my writer’s block and overwhelming depression slowly drift away.

New music tomorrow.

I’m in a good mood. Celebrate by buying some of my records (and downloading some Belinda Carlisle).

November 1st, 2012

No profanity-laced political tirade tonight. No rants about how people are horrible (spoiler: they sill kind of are). No depressing exclamations of pessimistic, misanthropic views about the American voting population. None of that bullshit. Why?

Because I’m actually kind of in a good mood for once and I’d rather keep it that way. Also, I just updated my “For Sale” page! So if you really want me to keep this upbeat, positive vibe, then go to that post and make me an offer on some stuff you want. I added some cool Duran Duran, Laibach, Exotic Birds and more! I should also be updating it this weekend, so check back often!

Now music.

Belinda Carlisle
Visions Of You (Remix ’91)
I Feel Free (Live)
Heaven Is A Place On Earth (Live)
When I was in NYC a few weeks ago I did the proper hipster thing and went to a drunken party in a dive bar with a bunch of art students. While there, I got met a man who was rocking a GoGo’s t-shirt (and an amaaazing mustache). I immediately knew this was a person I had to talk to, and we spent about five minutes discussing exactly how awesome The GoGo’s were (we settled on “really fucking awesome.”)

At the end of the conversation though, the mustached man said that while he loves her, Belinda Carlisle has to be one of the worst names in the history of pop music.

“Belinda!” he said, “it just sounds gross!”

This man’s name?

Pacifico.

Glass houses people.

These three tunes are from a clear 12″ single that came in a ziplock bag. Yeah. It was weird looking.

Devo
That’s Good (Extended Version)
Speed Racer (Extended Version)
Speaking of weird singles, I got these hard-to-find remixes from a 12″ promo-only single that was given out to radio stations. I have no idea why these mixes were never put out on any other single or have yet to be re-released in any way (at least, as far as I know), they’re pretty great. “That’s Good” is one of Devo’s best, and definitely one of those songs that can never be long enough. Yay Devo.

 

Blondie For President

October 30th, 2012

Got a great comment on my Romney Rant.

And by “great” I mean “fucking idiotic nonsense.”

Also, consider the very real possibility that people like Romney because Obama has been an unmitigated disaster. Take your pick:

ObamaCare
Attacking the church
Attacking small business
Benghazi
Israel
Iran
The economy, the economy, the economy, etc.

Romney, on the other hand, shines because none of the negative stuff you’ve posted is true. Obama’s re-election campaign has tried again and again to make stuff stick, but none of it works because IT’S NOT TRUE. The fact you’d believe any of it betrays the fact that you don’t know anything. Stick to talking about music.

I wrote a somewhat detailed response to this idiocy in the comment section for that post, and I suggest you look at it, but I wanted to talk about this a little more.

The above comment is pretty indicative of why America is going in the shitter: stupid liars who will stop at nothing to prevent change and progressive thought from taking a foothold in America. Obama isn’t “Attacking the church.” He’s never done anything of the sort. Demanding that religious groups treat women’s health the same as men’s health is not a “war on religion,” it’s a war against sexism and misogyny.

(And if you’re stupid enough to think that demanding religious organizations cover birth control in their insurance is a war on a church’s values, then why do those same religious organizations cover Viagra for men, even if they’re single or have no desire to have children? Yeah. Thought so.)

Like I said, I already went through all of these idiotic claims when I responded to twit, so I’m not going to do it again. But I want everyone to remember, this is the kind of shit that American progress is up against; idiots who will deny the truth even when its staring them in the face, all while slinging out their own pile of bullshit lies and distortions. I stand by my list of facts against Romney. Those are all true. Shit, nearly all of them are things he has said in public and stood by! The man is an bigoted prick who doesn’t understand the worries, concerns, needs and issues of the common person, minorities, the poor, the GLBT community, and just about anyone else who isn’t a rich white assholes. And trust me, rich white assholes love the dude and will continue to lie and distort the facts to help their own pocketbooks and fuck you over.

Is Obama perfect? No! Not at all! Not by a long shot. He has done a lot of things that I think are deplorable, but I think he’s the best bet America has had in a long time for the country to actually move in a direction that might  leave future generations better off. If nothing else, a vote for him is a vote against a racist, sexist, homophobic bigot, and that’s enough for me.

In other news, I hope all my East Coast peeps (and everyone else along the East Cost for that matter) are holding up alright. Remember everyone, even though America has a great system of disaster relief set up, it never hurts to toss a few bucks to Red Cross during these hard times. Even if they don’t need the money for this disaster, it will eventually come in handy. So do your part.

Now more Blondie!

Blondie
One Way Or Another (Damien’s Express Check Out Dub)
Rapture (K-Klassic Instrumental)
Rapture (Guru’s Fly Party Mix)
Rapture (Pharmacy Dub)
Rapture (Guru’s Fly Party Instrumental)
Rapture (Phactory Beats)
Rapture (K-Klassic Radio Mix)
Rapture (The Teddy Riley Remix)
Rapture (Dub Version)
Union City Blue (Diddy’s Power and Passion Mix)
Union City Blue (Vinny Vero’s Turquoise Mix)
Union City Blue (Burger Queen Peroxide Power Mix)
Union City Blue (OPM Poppy Mix)
Union City Blue (Burger Queen Babes In Toyland Mix)
Union City Blue (Vinny Vero’s Double Hand Dub)
See? Lots more Blondie! And most of these remixes are pretty great (aside from that “One Way Or Another” dub mix…ick). The singles that I culled these from actually had even more mixes, such as the full-length K-Klassic remix, but since you can get those on iTunes and Amazon, I didn’t include them here.

I already have most of  my next post written and I think I’m finally on the way to getting the “big announcement” ready! So hopefully this will be a pretty productive week.

I Hate Romney. I Love Blondie.

October 29th, 2012

I haven’t been writing a lot lately and it’s been getting me down.

Actually the reason why I haven’t been writing a lot is because I’ve been down. So I guess it’s a vicious cycle. I get depressed, so I can’t write, which makes me depressed and repeat until I’m banging my head into my keyboard, eventually giving up, and then walking away from my computer, turning on my Xbox and booting up XCOM. (Seriously, that game is dope.)

But what’s making me so depressed?

I couldn’t figure it out at first. I was just walking around with this huge, painful knot in my stomach and an unending sense of dread in my inner being, not knowing what was causing it nor what could make it go away.

Then I figured it out, the senses of dread, despair and desperation would hit their fullest whenever I looked at the news. Specifically, whenever I found an article about the election.

Simply put: The possibility of Mitt Romney being elected president of the United States of America is making me depressed.

Actually, a more accurate statement would be: the fact that approximately half of America is going to vote for Mitt Romney to be President of the United States is making me oppressively, destructively depressed, launching me into a perfect storm pit of rage and sadness that my soul has never known.

I just…I can’t wrap my head around it. My personality has always been an odd combination of pessimism and optimism. I’ve slightly misanthropic, but at the end of the day, I’ve always thought that most people are good, or at least have the capacity for goodness in them. Never in my most hate-filled, antisocial, misanthropic nightmares would I think that the majority of the American people would actively support someone as disgusting, sickening, stupid, evil, foul, repugnant and bigoted as Mitt Romney.

I need to rant about this, I’m sorry. I think it’s good for my psyche. And hey, if you’re a republican and you’re like “I don’t care about this, I just want some music!” Well, then fuck off. Of course you don’t care about what other people think. That’s what makes you a republican.

Basically, my internal despair and anger boils down to the fact that a shocking number of Americans either don’t know or just don’t care about all the horrible and disgusting things that Mitt Romney has done. It leaves me dumbfounded that a possible majority of Americans have no problem with any of the following things that Mitt Romney actually said and did:

Tortured his dog (and thought it was okay).
Gay-bashed a kid in high school for having long hair.
Doesn’t think that poor people in America die from a lack of health care.
WROTE OFF 47% OF THE FUCKING NATION.
Advocated the bankruptcy of the American auto industry.
Said that “gay people are having families and that’s not right.”
Called corporations people.
Used racist language and symbolism in both his ads and stump speeches.
Put words in Obama’s mouth and built his entire campaign (and autobiography) off of it.
Attacked and berated women who were seeking abortions for medical reasons.
Hasn’t ruled out an attack on Iran, despite no evidence that they’ve actually done anything “wrong.” (By “wrong” I mean have the same weapons use white countries have).
Is against any kind of environmental regulation at all, and he joked about it.
Would like to see abortion illegal and defund Planned Parenthood. (although he sure lies about that a lot). (Seriously, a lot.)

Oh, and one time his wife doped up a horse to sell it at an inflated price, and got caught.

So yeah, the fact that America might elect a racist, sexist, homophobic, isolationist, alarmist, classist, anti-civil rights, anti-human rights bigoted out-of-touch hypocritical asshole kind of bums me out just a little bit. And the fact that most people aren’t as bummed out about it as I am kind of bums me out a little bit more.

But hey, there’s nothing I can do about it huh?

Other than vote.

And if you feel the same way as I do. Please. Please. PLEASE vote. It’s, like, kind of important for the future of America and stuff.

It’s also important for the future stability of my mental health/this blog.

So now that I have that out of the way, here are a shitton of Blondie remixes.

Blondie
Atomic (Armand’s Atomizer Mix)
Atomic (New Disco Mix)
Atomic (Beautiful Drum And Bass Mix)
Atomic (Diddy Pushes The Button Mix)
Atomic (Boom Mix)
Atomic (Explosive Ecstasy Mix)
Denis (The ’88 Remix)
Heart Of Glass (MK 12″ Mix)
Heart Of Glass (Richie Jones Club Mix)
Heart Of Glass (Diddy’s Adorable Illusion Mix)
Heart Of Glass (Original Disco Version)
Heart Of Glass (MK Dub)
Heart Of Glass (Richie Jones Dub)
Heart Of Glass (Diddy’s Adorable Illusion Instrumental)
Heart Of Glass (Diddy’s Remix Edit)
Told ya. Shitton of Blondie.

Now, not all of these are bangers. A few of these mixes are way too tailored for the dance floor and consist of little more than one section of the song looped ad nauseum. This is especially true for some of the “Atomic” mixes, which is a real drag because I love the original version of that song. Still, most of these are worth at least one listen, if for nothing else other than the complete randomness of their existence. I mean, seriously, a drum and bass remix of “Atomic?” I don’t know why that exists, but I’m sure glad it does.

The “Heart of Glass” mixes fair far better. Sure, there are some clunkers and drab dub mixes, but the “Original Disco Version,” “12” MK Mix” and several others are all great, understated mixes that are well worth your time. They’re all also epic in length, so clear your schedule.

All You Ever Think About Is Sparks

October 23rd, 2012

Went about a full week without an update! No, I didn’t forget that I had a blog, I was in NYC to see New Order!

New Order was awesome, but since I’m covering that for a magazine I really can’t go into much detail. I do have a lot to say about NYC otherwise though, in particular its record stores and I hope to get something written up about them rather soon.

I hope to do a lot of things. I’ve been teasing a big announcement both here and on my Twitter. Something I’ve been working on for a while. It’s still not ready. False starts. Illness. Distractions. Life. Things are getting in the way. It’s been very disappointing for me.

But I hope to get it all together soon. I know it will work out. And I think it will be something you will all be interested in. At least, I hope so. Shit. I don’t know.

It’s kind of been a long month.

Anyways, here’s a post I wrote before I went to NYC but couldn’t put up for various reasons. Enjoy the Sparks and keep checking here for my announcement (it will happen soon…I hope) and if nothing else, keep checking back here for some rad tunes. I got some stellar shit recently, both in NYC and in Pittsburgh, and I can’t wait to share it all with you.

Sparks
Fingertips (Extended Club Version)
The Scene (Special Club Edit)
Cool Places (Live with Jane Wiedlin)
All You Ever Think About Is Sex (Live)
Sparks is one of the most indefinably weird bands in the history of music. They’ve barely had any success in the 40+ years of their existence, and whenever they do manage to scratch the bottom of the Billboard charts or score a minor hit single it just seems like a crazy fluke, like someone at some computer pushed the wrong button. I honestly don’t know how they’ve managed to keep going this long. Are they freakishly popular in Europe or something? Do the brothers Mael have an incredibly successful side-business that they keep hidden from the public? Maybe they’re secretly drug lords or high-priced hitmen, and they partake in a life of crime to fund their quirky pop music. Sound weird? Possibly, but not as weird as half of their albums.

Sparks recently put out a 2CD 12″ mix collection. And while it’s not available in America, it is a pretty good representation of their early 80s singles output, and I recommend picking it up if you can locate a copy. It’s not all-inclusive though, and the mixes and live cuts above represent some of the stuff that didn’t make the collection. The live stuff is great, as is that mix of “Fingertips,” but the real highlight is the amazing club mix of “The Scene,” which takes a great song and makes it even better.

Yabba Dabba Dumb

October 15th, 2012

I’m on cold meds right now and I feel like that whenever I’m on anything for my sinuses my copyediting skills vanish. So apologies for any drastic typos or poor sentence structure.

And now with that out of the way, here is the latest in my continuing efforts to provide you with the dumbest and most pointless remixes to ever grace the Earth.

The B-52s
(Meet) The Flintstones (Quarry Mix)
(Meet) The Flintstones (Bam Bam Tribal Beat)
(Meet) The Flintstones (Bedrock Dub)
(Meet) The Flintstones (Rock Charleston Dub)
Tell It Like It T-I-Is (MK Respect Mix)
Tell It Like It T-I-Is (Instrumental Respect Mix)
Tell It Like It T-I-Is (MK Underground Mix)
Tell It Like It T-I-Is (MK Mix)
Tell It Like It T-I-Is (MK Dub)
When The Flintstones movie came out in 1994, they of course had to include some version of the classic theme song on the soundtrack, and for this monumental task they turned to The B-52s, because when I think family friendly party music, I think The B-52s. However, in keeping with the original TV show’s “hilarious” tradition of taking popular bands and stars from the modern era and giving them stone age puns, The B-52s were credited as The BC-52s.

GET IT?!?! B.C.!??! Like the designated term B.C. (Before Christ) that is commonly associated with the prehistoric era? Isn’t that just so damn clever!?!

Sigh.

This is another case though where I wonder what came first; did someone get The B-52s and then figure out that their name could be so easily modified to fit the Stone Age theme? Or did someone think up “The BC-52s” all on their own and then ask The B-52s if they would do it (and by “ask” I mean throw a truckload of money at them). Maybe The B-52s agreed to do it because they heard that some people thought that “Shiny Happy People” was the worst song of all time and they wanted to give it a go at topping it.

Whoever thought of it was probably the same creative genius who decided to put “Walk The Dinosaur” by Was (Not Was) on the soundtrack as well. That’s not exactly deep digging for prehistoric cuts. I would have gone for “Caveman” by The Cramps, but whatever. You know that if they made the movie today some neanderthal would probably insist that “Dinosaur” by Kesha (I refuse to stylize her name) be put in there.

Needless to say, these “Flintstones” remixes are stupendously stupid, but since I’m a completionist who wants everything B-52s, I had to grab it. Now you get to hear it. I hope you’re happy.

After you listen to all four versions of “(Meet) The Flinstones” (and you have to listen to all four of them, I did), then cleanse your pallet with the non-Flinstones related track “Tell It Like It T-I-Is,” a far better tune from the underrated Good Stuff album.

I’m the man in the box, buried in my killer beats dawg.

October 12th, 2012

I’ll be adding a bunch of singles and albums to my sale soon, so if you haven’t checked that page out, please do.

Okay, now that I have that out of the way, who wants to hear some incredibly stupid remixes?

I briefly touched upon this a few days ago, but I recently bought a metric crapton (that’s a lot) of DJ Mix singles. These are special 12″ singles that are sold to DJs only, usually via a subscription service, and they feature special mixes that are never made available anywhere else. Sometimes they’re unofficial bootlegs, other times they’re legit. Often it’s hard to tell.

Tonight’s mixes are from a 12″ single called Rock ‘n’ Beat Turbo 4. As if the name didn’t make it obvious enough, these are dance remixes of rock songs. Actually, if I wanted to get specific and accurate, they’re more just edits or mixes than full on remixes. A remix typically implies that the track was altered at the base level, and that the mixer in question had access to the master recordings or even recorded new material to interpolate into the original song. Most of these just extend the original songs’ breakdown and instrumental sections while throwing in some chorus effects and extra beats (hence that Rock ‘n’ Beat title). It’s all really weird and goofy and while a lot of the mixes are just “lets loop shit to make it longer” I find them all fascinating nonetheless, if for track selection alone, so let’s get into it.

U2
Mysterious Ways (Beat Box Mix)
I hate U2 more than the Thompson Twins, so I got nothing here. I think this is just a small re-edit though.

Alice In Chains
Man In the Box (Tore Up From The Floor Up Mix)
Okay, to start; this remix of “Man In The Box” is seven and a half minutes long. SEVEN AND A HALF MINUTES LONG! That is insane. How does one make “Man In The Box” seven and a half minutes long? Well, for starters you take the opening bars and repeat them about five times longer than they were in the original, then you do the same for the closing bars as well. Then you take the rest and loop the shit out it, add some extra drum beats and then pat yourself on the back for turning a grunge song about addiction and homelessness into a dance tune for the clubs.

Fuck the 90s were weird.

Counting Crows
Mr. Jones (The Sick Mix)
I never in a million remixes thought that I’d be deconstructing a Counting Crows dance mix on this blog but here it goes. Much like the “Man In The Box” mix this edit of “Counting Crows” expands the original song to a club-friendly six minutes mostly just by extending the opening and closing measures. This one is a little more obviously remixed though, thanks to the very apparent drum beat that is pasted in out of nowhere.

90s. Weird.

Melissa Etheridge
I’m The Only One (The Blue Mix)
Eight minutes. That’s how long they stretch this one out. Eight Minutes.  But hey, if you like Melissa Etheridge then that’s just eight minutes of awesome.

John Mellencamp
Wild Night (Maple Tree Mix)
Okay, I’ll be honest, I haven’t heard this song in 10 years and I’m not going to revisit the single version now. Based on my recollection of it, I don’t hear much of a difference here.

Bachman Turner Overdrive
Takin’ Care Of Business (Rippin’ Mix) 
This version of “Takin’ Care Of Business” incorporates a sample from Afrika Baambaataa’s “Planet Rock.”

Let that sink in before you listen to it.