My Tongue Hurts. Here are 32 Madonna Remixes.

May 2nd, 2012

Today sucked. Seriously. There was a bunch of stuff I don’t even want to get into, and then there’s this stupid cold or I-don’t-even-know-what that I’ve had for like two and a half weeks now. First it was a flu with a fever; then it was a regular cold with congestion; then it turned into a hellacious cough that literally kept me up for hours in bed. Now the back of my tongue hurts. Not my mouth, not my throat, my tongue.

Really? What the hell? You know what you get if you Google “tongue pain?” CANCER. Apparently tongue pain = cancer. Yeah, I needed that irrational fear right now. It hurts so much I can barely swallow and it’s making it hard to talk. And since I already have a pretty drastic speech disorder, I really don’t need any help there, thank you very much.

And then I get this new router to replace my shitty Netgear router, but it’s an even bigger piece of shit. Hey, all you potential router buyers out there! Thinking of buying an ASUS router? Well, do yourself a favor and just punch yourself in the face. Because that will be less painful than dealing with their shitty technical support when it inevitably doesn’t work as advertised. (This router does not work with iOS devices, and it cannot be fixed, it can go to hell.)

And now its all hot in Pittsburgh, and since my office is filled with electronics and I’m on the second floor I’m all sweaty and gross. And my damn tongue! Ow! Fuck!

So yeah, here are 32 Madonna remixes.

Madonna
Bedtime Story (Junior’s Sound Factory Mix)
Bedtime Story (Junior’s Sound Factory Dub)
Bedtime Story (Orbital Mix)
Bedtime Story (Junior’s Wet Dream Mix)
Bedtime Story (Junior’s Wet Dream Dub)
Borderline (New Mix)
Lucky Star (New Mix)
Deeper And Deeper (Shep’s Classic 12″ Mix)
Deeper And Deeper (Shep’s Deep Makeover Mix)
Deeper And Deeper (Shep’s Deep Beats)
Deeper And Deeper (David’s Klub Mix)
Deeper And Deeper (David’s Deeper Dub)
Deeper And Deeper (Shep’s Deeper Dub)
Express Yourself (Non-Stop Express Mix)
Express Yourself (Stop & Go Dubs)
Express Yourself (Local Mix)
Like A Prayer (Instra Dub)
Like A Prayer (Bass Dub)
Like A Prayer (Dub Beats)
Like A Prayer (12″ Dance Mix)
Like A Prayer (12″ Extended Remix)
Like A Prayer (Churchapella)
Like A Prayer (12″ Club Version)
Like A Prayer (7″ Remix)
Like A Virgin (Extended Dance Mix)
Material Girl (Extended Dance Remix)
Open Your Heart (Extended Version)
Open Your Heart (Dub)
Papa Don’t Preach (Extended Remix)
Vogue (12″ Version)
Vogue (Bette Davis Dub)
Vogue (Strike-A-Pose Dub)
Now, you may be asking “why 32 (almost four full hours) of Madonna remixes? ”

And to that question I say: Shut up. Awesome things make me feel better. There are like, maybe three or four things in this world that might be more awesome than Madonna and that’s it. Ergo, 32 remixes of Madonna songs should make me feel significantly better. Got a problem with that? Didn’t think so.

I recently re-recorded all of these on my new turntable. Some of my old Madonna rips were my worst rips (many accidentally in mono even) so if you’ve ever downloaded a Madonna song from my blog before and it’s posted here tonight, re-download it. And if you’ve never downloaded any Madonna songs from my blog, you’re a bad person and you need to get that looked at.

I mean, that mix of “Open Your Heart” is TEN MINUTES LONG! How awesome is that shit!

I’m feeling better already.

 

Posted in Madonna, remixes | 3 Comments »

A Word From Our Hidden Sponsors – 1980s Radio Interviews

May 1st, 2012

I’m a journalist (at least I try to be), so allow me to drop a journalism term on you: Advetorial content.

An advertorial is a paid advertisement that tries to come off like editorial content. You’ll sometimes see them in magazines, they’re the multi-page ads that look like articles but have the word “advertisement” in tiny print a the bottom of the page. Advetorials are deceptive by design, and if you ask me, more than a little bit evil. They’re not made to be intriguing or thought-provoking content designed, they serve no other purpose than to drum up fake news coverage for a product.

In the 70s and 80s (and probably into the 90s and even today) record labels released their own form of advetorial content known as “radio specials.” These were glorified PR kits that were given to radio stations in the hopes that they would play them on the air, passing them off as a special presentation when it was really little more than a 30 to 45-minute ad for a band that the label poured a lot of money in. I don’t know how successful these radio specials ever were at drumming up interest in artists, I don’t remember ever hearing them when I was a kid, but either the radio stations or the labels loved them, because I always see a ton of them in used record bins today.

I imagine that if I stumbled upon something like this on the radio today I would be outraged at the deceptive advertising practices that were being used. But whenever I come across an old one like the ones I’m sharing tonight, I find them oddly charming, and in the case of the one with The Mekons, incredibly entertaining.  I hope you enjoy them as well.

The Dream Academy Talk About Their Debut Album
Lloyd Cole Talks About His Album
 These are from a 1985 promotional LP titled “The Warner Bros. Music Show” (Bugs Bunny is even on the label). As you can probably guess, The Dream Academy program starts (and ends) with the band talking about their mega-hit “Life In A Northern Town.” Advetorial content or not, the guys responsible for this record knew not to bury their lead.

Also within seconds, the lead singer name checks the producer of the record, who was Pink Floyd’s David Gilmour. I can’t really blame him though, if I just finished working on something with David Gilmour I would mention it as much as possible as well. Although when he says “when I talked to Paul Simon, who I’ve known for years…” that’s a bit forced.

But at least the people in The Dream Academy are interesting and seem to enjoy talking about their music, which is more than I can say for Lloyd Cole. To be honest, I don’t know much about Lloyd Cole or his band The Commotions, but his interview really didn’t do much to alleviate that problem either! All I picked up from his conversation is that his goal as a popular musician was to make it on The Top of the Pops, and since he had he really had no idea what to do next. Not really enthralling stuff to be honest.

Pete Shelley Interviews the Mekons
On most of these interview specials you don’t even hear the inteviewer ask their questions. All you get are plugged in responses by the artists in question. They don’t sound like proper interviews or conversations, instead they sound like what they really are, which is PR designed to sell records. But this interview is hands and feet above the others, because not only do you get to hear a real, organic conversation between the artist and the interviewer, but the interviewer in question is Pete Shelly of The Buzzcocks.

Pete Shelley is awesome. That’s a proven fact. So hearing him just sit down and shoot the shit with one of the better post-punk bands of the era is really fascinating. The Mekons (John Langford and Tom Greenhalgh) are obviously well-acquainted with Pete, and don’t have any kind of pretense or sense of self-importance around him. If anything, they are overly self-deprecating in their views of themselves, their music, and most entertainingly, the state of music in the mid-80s. It’s a great listen (and hysterical, their riffs on Casey Kasem, Simple Minds and pretty much all of America are great), and it’s made even greater if you do what I do, and imagine Pete Shelley conducting the interview while wearing the white suit from the Homosapien video, sitting with his legs crossed and his hands on his knee.

Polyrock
1981 Radio Special Side 1
1981 Radio Special Side 2
1982 Radio Special Side 1
1982 Radio Special Side 1
Polyrock was perhaps the greatest band of the early new wave era that didn’t “make it,” and the fact that they never broke through to at least some cult level of success int he early 80s has always been a mystery to me. Not only did they sound absolutely incredible, a perfect combination of dance-friendly new wave and dissonant, minimal no wave, but they had a hell of a hook when it came time to promote their albums, Philip Glass (who was super hot shit at the time) served as a producer on the first record, and even played with the band on the second album. But alas, the band never clicked with any kind of audience, and after their two albums, RCA dumped them, leading them to breakup sometime after.

But to RCA’s credit, they sure as hell tried their best to promote Polyrock, I have several magazines from the era that feature Polyrock ads in them, and the label went out of their way to record not one, but two separate radio specials for the group. Oddly enough, no one from the band appears on the first radio special. Instead, Philip Glass and his co-producer Ken Munkacsi serve as the focus of attention. What they say is very interesting though, and doesn’t just sound like PR bullshit. They obviously like Polyrock, and they have unique perspectives on what qualifies as rock music, dance music and the recording process. It’s a fascinating interview.

For the 1982 special,the focus is shifted to Billy Robertson, the vocalist and guitar player for the group. He talks a lot about what exactly “new wave” means, instrumentation vs. lyrics and a lot of other geeky music stuff.

Both these interview specials feature a lot more of the band’s music than the Lloyd Cole and Dream Academy programs, and even include some complete songs. So if you’ve never heard of Polyrock there’s still something here for you to check out if you love new wave, because Polyrock was one hell of a new wave act.

 

 

Posted in Lloyd Cole, Philip Glass, Polyrock, The Dream Academy, Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

I’m Gonna Git You Sucka – Original Soundtrack Album (Yes, This Blog Is That Awesome)

April 26th, 2012

 

When I was a little kid, I’m Gonna Git You Sucka was one of my favorite movies of all-time.

That’s right, the R-rated spoof of blaxploitation films was the favorite movie of nine-year-old me.

Allow me to explain how something like this happens.

My father opened a video store in 1983, when I was just four years old. For much of the 80s my parents were divorced, and it came time for me to visit my dad I would spend much of the dayin the store watching movies, from when I got there until when I left. Then I would go home with my dad and watch movies in his apartment with him until I fell asleep. When I woke up in the morning, I would watch more movies before we went back to the video store where I would watch even more movies. And if we weren’t doing that we were probably going to the the movie theater.

So yeah, lots of movies.

And it’s worth noting that my dad was a terrible censor when it came to choosing appropriate films for a small child to watch. Sometimes this was a bad thing. I saw the The Terminator when I was six and it gave nightmares about killer robots for a week, and after seeing the opening of The Thing  when I was still in kindergarten I was scared of my neighbor’s dog for I don’t know how long.

But other times it was a good thing (at least in my opinion). I saw Beverly Hills Cop when I was six years old, so when I started first grade not only did I know almost all the swear words, but I knew how to use them too. So when some asshole called me a “poopbreath” during recess, I was able to counter with “you stupid fucking cocksucker.”

That’s the kind of stuff that gets you some serious cred on the playground.

At the same time, however, I was still just a kid. As much as I loved violent action movies, vulgar comedies and the occasional  horror film, I still found equal enjoyment watching cartoons and goofy family-friendly comedies.

And when you keep all that in mind, then it totally makes sense that for a short time in the late 80s, I’m Gonna Git You Sucka was my favorite movie of all-time. It’s the ideal movie for someone with the comedic sensibilities of a pre-teen, and the foul-mouthed vocabulary of a hardened inmate. I mean, who the hell else would love a movie that had both incredibly vulgar sex jokes as well as a scene where an armed midget hides out in a pimp’s over-sized hat?

For those of you who have not seen I’m Gonna Git You Sucka, it’s a spoof of classic 70s  Blaxploitations flicks written and directed by Keenan Ivory Wayans (the talented Wayans), who also stars in the picture as Jack Spade, an army boy who returns home to get revenge for his brother’s death, who died from an overdose of…gold (he O.G’d). Unable to take down the gold-dealing gangsters on his own, he recruits the help of some local heroes, who happen to be blaxploitation legends Jim Brown, Bernie Casey and Isaac Hayes.

In case you couldn’t tell, it’s goofy as shit, very much in the vein of Naked Gun and Airplane, just not nearly as funny.  I was sad to discover with a recent viewing that the film just doesn’t hold up that well, and as an adult, much of the vulgar humor I loved as a  kid was just stupid.  There was still parts of the movie I loved, and I could appreciate it for what it was trying to do, there were weren’t enough films that spoofed blaxploitation, but at the end of the day, it’s just not a very good movie.

I still loved the soundtrack though! So I was stoked to find a perfect, sealed vinyl copy on Amazon last week. I planned on sharing the whole thing here, but the Four Tops’ ballad “If Ever A Love There Was,” “KRS-One’s amazing “Jack Of Spades,” and the classic funk track “Grazing In The Grass” by The Friends of Distinction are all available legally, so I can’t post them here I can’t even share the album version of the title track by The Gap Band! What a bummer.

However, I found a way around that problem that I believe is more than satisfactory…but first, the rest of the soundtrack to I’m Gonna Git You Sucka!

Jermaine Jackson
Clean Up Your Act
Is Jermaine the second most successful Jackson sibling? He did actually kind of have a semi-successful solo career for a bit in the 80s didn’t he? I know that he has a kid that he named Jermajesty, and if that’s not a measure of extreme success then I don’t know what the hell is. This song is some cute, “Just Say No” 80s fun.

Jennifer Holliday
Magic Man
My knowledge of Jennifer Holliday begins and ends with “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going” so I got nothing to say here.

Curtis Mayfield With Fishbone
He’s a Flyguy
I think this track proves that Mayfield had an amazing sense of humor, since it’s basically just a spoof of Mayfield’s own track “Superfly.” The song itself is in praise of Flyguy, but if you’ve seen the film then you know that the movie itself didn’t hold nearly as much esteem for the character. I don’t know what Fishbone does in this track, since the instrumentation is rather sparse aside from the guitar, which I know Mayfield could play. Whoever does play the guitar on this song totally shreds it. Great tune.

K-9 Posse
This Beat Is Military
This song starts with a sample of the A-Team opening. Therefore, it is one of the greatest rap songs of all time. Actually, it’s kind of stupid, but I love the idea of a rapper boasting by comparing himself to a military outfit as opposed to a gangster or drug dealer, even if he does kind of strain the metaphor at times, I think the lines about nuclear determent take the bit a little too far.

Too Nice
Two Can Play The Game
The basic theme of “Two Can Play The Game” is “hey dudes, don’t cheat on your girlfriend because if you do then they’ll probably cheat on you too.” Kind of an odd way to preach against infidelity, but whatever. The best thing about the track is that it samples the chorus to Johnie Taylor’s excellent “Who’s Making Love,” a song that featured Isaac Hayes’ on keyboards! Since the sample isn’t credited in the linear notes, that means that the producers of I’m Gonna Git You Sucka managed to illegally sample Isaac Hayes for a movie that Isaac Hayes was in. That’s pretty impressive.

The Gap Band
You’re So Cute
Yeah, this song is great, but it’s not the song by The Gap Band that you want to hear, is it? No, you want “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka.” Like I said before, that song is available on MP3 and CD all over the world, so I can’t share it here. Sorry.

But I can totally share the remixes! Boom!

The Gap Band
I’m Gonna Git You Sucka (Extended Edit)
 I’m Gonna Git You Sucka (Extended Version)
I’m Gonna Git You Sucka (Sugar Shack Version)
 I’m Gonna Git You Sucka (Tripped Out Dub Version)
Here at The Lost Turntable, I totally believe in being thorough, so when I found out that there was a 12″ single to the theme song from “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka,” I had to have that too. I actually had a copy of this ages ago, but that version was scratched all to hell and would only play the extended cut and nothing else. Thankfully, I found this near-flawless copy at Jerry’s Records, and I can share it all with you now.

If you’re wondering how all the versions are different, the “Extended Version” just stretches out every instrumental part of the song out a bit, while the “Extended Edit” is a variation of the original version that eliminates the slow intro and adds some more instrumental stuff throughout. The “Sugar Shack Version” is a version that’s chock-full of bonus bass, while the “Tripped Out Dub Version” is totally a…trippy dub version. I always appreciate truth in remix titles.

One thing that all versions have in common though? They’re all fucking awesome.

 

Posted in Curtis Mayfield, Fishbone, Jennifer Holliday, Jermaine Jackson, K-9 Posse, soundtrack, The Gap Band, Too Nice | 9 Comments »

Tony Banks’ Soundtracks – Featuring Toyah Wilcox and that dude from Marillion

April 23rd, 2012

Tony Banks is the keyboardist for Genesis, and being a keyboardist in a rock band is usually a pretty thankless job. No matter how good their licks may be, most fans, members of the media, and groupies are more interested in the singer, guitarist, drummer and even the bass player than the keyboardist. That’s because, quite frankly, there’s no way anyone can make playing the keyboards look cool.

But back in the 70s and 80s Banks probably had it even rougher than most keyboardists when  it came to making a name for himself. First Peter Gabriel leaves the group to embark on a wildly successful solo career, and then Phil Collins starts his own solo career and proceeds to release some of biggest albums of the 80s. Even Mike Rutherford was able to get in on the action, finding inexplicable sucess with his side-project Mike + The Mechanics.

Tony Banks’ bids as a popular solo artists were less successful than his bandmates’. He released the concept album A Curious Feeling in 1979, and it quickly vanished from the charts without a trace. In 1983 he released two albums. One was The Fugitive, which he sang on. It didn’t sell. That same year he contributed to half of the soundtrack to The Wicked Lady, a swashbuckling adventure flick. Its never been released on CD, so I’m going to guess it didn’t set the world ablaze either.

But that wasn’t the last soundtrack that Banks’ would contribute to. In 1984 he composed the score for a low-budget sci-fi flick called Lorca And The Outlaws (it was released as Starship on VHS). In addition to the score, he also composed the original songs, “You Call This Victory” featuring vocalist Jim Diamond and “Lion of Symmetry” featuring vocals by the amazing Toyah Wilcox. Lorca And The Outlaws was not well-received commercially (it’s on a a few ‘worst movies of the 80s’ lists) and it never got an official soundtrack release.

In 1986 Banks would contribute the score to Quicksilver, a Kevin Bacon picture about a stock broker who is forced to leave the trading floor and become a bike messenger (sounds…exciting). But he wasn’t the sole contributor to that soundtrack. In addition to Banks’ work, the film also featured new songs by Giorgio Moroder (with Roger Daltrey), Peter Frampton and Ray Parker, Jr., to name a few. That soundtrack got a commercial release, but because of all the pop songs on it, Banks’ score was only included in a truncated form.

Well, it would appear that Banks found a way to solve both that problem and the lack of a release for his work on the Lorca And The Outlaws score with the release of Soundtracks, a single LP that features his music from Quicksilver on the first side, and his work from Lorca And The Outlaws on the second side.

How’s the music? Let’s start with the first side, the Quicksilver stuff.

Quicksilver
Shortcut To Somewhere (featuring Fish of Marillion)
Smilin’ Jack Casey
Quicksilver Suite: Rebirth
Quicksilver Suite: Gypsy
Quicksilver Suite: Final Charge
I’ve never seen Quicksilver (being neither a fan of Kevin Bacon nor bicycle messengers), so I can’t say how well this music fits into the film. I can image that that the fast-paced instrumental pieces probably worked well with montages of Kevin Bacon decked out in spandex, plowing through the streets of San Francisco like an asshole on a mission. And if you’re looking for a mix to fit your own cycling workout, they might be good for that as well. The slower instrumental pieces are little more uneven, and are certainly dated, but they have their own charm as well.

What does not have charm, however, is “Shorcut To Somewhere” the sole pop song that Banks’ contributed to the soundtrack. The vocals are by Marillion singer Fish, and while he does have one hell of a set of pipes, no singer, no matter how talented, could make the drivel he’s belting out sound interesting or catchy. The upbeat synths of the song really go for a “you can do it” feeling ala your favorite training montage from an 80s film, but they’re so oppressively upbeat that they’re just annoying. I imagine that this song may have been catchy and fun in 1986, but now it just sounds dated and boring. But like I said, the rest of the stuff is worth a listen if you enjoy instrumental synthesizer stuff.

Lorca and the Outlaws (also known as Starship)
You Call This Victory (featuring Jim Diamond)
Lion of Symmetry (featuring Toyah Wilcox)
Redwing Suite: Redwing
Redwing Suite: Lorca
Redwing Suite: Kid and Detective Droid
Redwing Suite: Lift Off
Redwing Suite: Death of Abby
 As bad as “Shortcut To Somewhere” is, it’s actually not the worst track on Soundtracks. No, that dubious honor goes to “You Call This Victory,” an absolutely wretched number featuring the over-emotional whiny vocals of Jim Diamond. Musically, the song isn’t that bad, but Diamond’s vocals are just so god awful that they kill any charm or positive aspects the song may have had.

Thankfully, the rest of the Lorca and the Outlaws soundtrack fairs a bit better. The instrumental “Redwing Suite” actually holds up pretty well as a score, and is very reminiscent of the stuff that Tangerine Dream was doing at the time. It’s nothing great, but it’s certainly not bad. But what is great is the song “Lion of Symmetry,” which features this incomparable Toyah Wilcox. Toyah (who was featured in Urgh!) is one of my favorite signers of the new wave era, so to discover this track was a real treat. It’s seven minutes of pure Toyah weirdness, and is a must hear.

Posted in Complete Albums, Fish, Jim Diamond, soundtrack, Tony Banks, Toyah | 2 Comments »

Record Store Day, Kickstarter, Limited Editions and Manufactured Rarity – Screwing Over Fans for a Quick Buck

April 23rd, 2012

Allow me to present a hypothetical situation:

Say you’re a Flaming Lips fan. For months you’ve heard about this crazy Flaming Lips and Heady Fwends album that features collaborations from everyone from Chris Martin and Bon Iver to Prefuse 73 and Ke$ha. You want it badly. It’s announced that the album will be a Record Store Day exclusive. You get to your local record store an hour before they open and find that there’s already a line around the block. You wait regardless. When you finally make your way inside the store you find out that they sold out within minutes. Now if you want one you have to go to eBay and shell out $100.

Another hypothetical problem:

You love Amanda Palmer. You find out that in a few weeks, Amanda Palmer and her husband Neil Gaiman will be releasing a live CD. The release date comes, but you discover that the album isn’t available for you yet. It’s only available for those who backed its release on Kickstarter. You would have done that if you had the money at the time, or if you followed Amanda or Neil on Twitter, but you’re not up on such things. As such, now you have to wait an unspecified amount of time to get the album. But then it turns up online illegally. Now instead of gladly handing over money for the album, you just download it. You make a promise to yourself to buy it when it does come out officially, but by the time it does you’ve lost interest. You have your music, but Palmer and Gaiman didn’t get a dime, and the sour experience of being screwed over and treated like a second-class fan probably sticks with you.

And a  final hypothetical dilemma, I promise:

You LOVE Pearl Jam. You’ve seen them live over 10 times, own all their albums on vinyl (which isn’t easy) and you’re even a member of the their fanclub. But their fanclub is poorly organized, and you never get the email about a deluxe 3-disc edition of their documentary PJ20. By the time you do catch word about it, it’s sold out. The two discs of exclusive content aren’t made available anywhere else (except for iTunes, and only for Americans). You try eBay, but you see that the few copies that make it there are being sold for over $300-$500. Dejected, you just download it illegally. During this whole process, the band and the fanclub, who claim to care about fans more than any other organization, completely ignore you.

Beginning to see a pattern here?

In recent years, artists and labels (both big and small) have turned to limited editions as a way to entice people into buying physical product. Record Store Day is the biggest example of this, but examples like the other two I gave are just as common. They do this because their margins (the difference between the cost of production and the price they sell it for) are always higher with a physical product. And since they’re dealing with fans who by their very nature have a collector’s mindset, the very act of limiting the supply increases the demand. In fact, it increases the demand so much so that the demand ends up outweighing the supply exponentially. The labels win, they get their money, and the few fans that are lucky enough to snag their ultra-mega-limited edition item win as well. But everyone else just gets screwed.

Now, sometimes it’s not that bad. In some cases, the limited edition is just an alternate format or packaged edition of an already available product, such as a colored LP or alternate cover. It looks really cool, but the content is the same.  The fan that scored with the limited release has the same music/video content as the person who could only make out with the regular version. No one is out anything major.

But what if the limited edition has music or video content that can only be found on that limited edition? Those fans want that content, that’s why they’re fans. I don’t know about you, but when I truly love a band with every fiber of my being, I want everything they put out. I want the version of the album with the bonus tracks, I want the import singles with the remixes, I want the EP that only came out in Japan. I want it all. But when you make an item limited to such an extreme like they seem to be doing these days, this becomes nearly impossible.

And I’m not saying that limited editions with exclusive content are by nature a bad thing. Sometimes they’re a necessity.  For example, Amon Tobin is releasing a limited edition box set filled with LPs, CDs and DVDs that will all have never-before-released content exclusive to the box set. However, that “limited edition” box set is limited to a not-that-limited 4,000 copies. For an artist as niche as Amon Tobin, that’s actually a pretty hefty number for a box set that costs $200. Everyone who really cares about it will be able to get it. I’m willing to bet that Tobin, along with the production people at his label, Nina Tune, got together and figured out exactly how many to make so everyone who really wanted one would be able to get it, while not leaving themselves with much in the way of surplus along the way.

But if you’re the Flaming Lips, you have more fans than the few thousand that will be able to get the album on Record Store Day. If you’re Amanda Palmer you have more fans than the few that knew about Kickstarter when you launched that campaign. And if you’re Pearl Jam, then you definitely have more fans willing to buy a 3-disc box set of your movie than the very few that you made available. In these cases, what’s the point? How is it a benefit the fan to force them to either spend way too much money on eBay to get what they want or to steal it online? How does that help them? Better yet, how does that help you, the artist? You don’t get any of that money (unless your Jack White and you’re selling your own stuff on eBay, classy). As an artist making music in 2012, you should be ecstatic that anyone will buy your music, and you should make it as easy as possible for them to do so.  The only people whose lives are being made easier with all this bullshit is the speculator.

Speculators aren’t fans. They are people who buy a product with the sole intent of selling it at an inflated value. It’s like daytrading, only with collectibles. Speculators love shit like limited editions and Record Store Day exclusives, because a lot of them have inside tracks to get the stuff that’s in most demand before they’re actually available to the public. This year I heard about many RSD exclusives reaching eBay before this Saturday. You think the people posting those auctions were customers who got lucky? They weren’t. They were record store owners and employees looking to make a quick buck by screwing over their customers and going directly to the secondary market.

That’s horrible, but can you blame them?  Because if history is any indication, the majority of stuff that came out this Record Store Day won’t be worth much more than retail in just six months time. That right, that super-limited edition 7″ single you bought with no intention of ever playing because you thought it might be worth a mint in a few years? You’ll probably be lucky to get what you paid for it three years from now. These releases rarely have staying power, it’s probably because 90% of RSD “exclusives” are either only timed exclusives, or get re-released digitally or on other formats within months of their RSD release. It’s hard for something to maintain its value when the one thing that gave it value in the first place, a false sense of rarity, is removed.

That’s great for people like me, who actually want to buy and hold on to stuff, but bad news for probably a good percentage of assholes who buy this stuff, who are only in it for money that they think they’ll get later on. So not only are these super-limited editions bad for bands and their fans, but their even worthless to the majority of speculators who buy them as well.

But what about the record stores themselves? Isn’t that who Record Store Day is really supposed to benefit? Well, call me a cynical asshole (seriously, it’s cool, you wouldn’t be the first), but I fail to see how one day of crazy business is going to save a record store. The kids going to their local record stores to pick up these limited editions items aren’t the kind of people who are going to back to their record store to buy a non-limited edition item. Record Store Day is for record collectors. Record stores are for music lovers, and the stores, labels and artists should be trying harder to find (or create) the latter, instead of catering to the fickle tastes of the former.

Posted in No music, rant | 13 Comments »

Song Sequels, A-Ha is Awesome and a Eurythmics Remix

April 18th, 2012

Musics below.

Peter Schilling
Major Tom (Coming Home) (Special Extended Version)
Major Tom (Coming Home) (Instrumental Version)
In the 70s and 80s Italian exploitation filmmakers had a habit of making unofficial sequels to established, popular films. Dawn Of The Dead (known as Zombi in Europe) begat Zombi 2. The Australian film Patrick, inspired a completely unrelated piece of crap called Patrick Still Lives. The Italians also made rip-off wanna-be sequels to Evil Dead II (La Casa 3), The Exorcist (The Naked Exorcism) and about 8 billion movies that claimed to be somehow connected to The Last House On The Left.

I bring this up because I believe that “Major Tom (Coming Home)” may be one of the only unofficial song sequels, it being a continuation of David Bowie’s “Space Oddity,” chronicling the further adventures of everyone’s spaced out spaceman Major Tom. Of course, it’s not really a sequel, just like those infamous Italian hack jobs, “Major Tom (Coming Home)” has almost nothing in common with its source of inspiration. Although that didn’t stop the song from becoming a huge hit, Schilling’s only international success.

Which leads me to question, why didn’t Schilling continue his hackery and release “sequels” to other Bowie tunes? This one worked out well for him. Why not “The Man Who Bought The World,” “Five More Years,” or even more appropriate, “Life On [Insert Planet Here].” Maybe even he had some shame.

Regardless of its origins, it’s hard to deny the charm of “Major Tom (Coming Home).” That chorus sure is catchy. Here it is in both its extended 12″ version (which combines the English language and German versions) as well as the instrumental B-side.

A-Ha
The Sun Always Shines On TV (Extended Version)
The Sun Always Shines On TV (Instrumental)
 Driftwood
 I originally posted the extended take of “The Sun Always Shines on TV” and “Driftwood” back in 2009, but I felt like re-sharing them now that I re-recorded them on decent equipment. So if you have those old rips, set them on fire and throw them away! Or just send them to recycle bin, whatever. After you do that, download them again, because these new rips sound so much better.

And if you didn’t download them back in 2009, download them now anyway! “The Sun Always Shines on TV” is A-ha’s best song. I am proclaiming that as a fact even though the only A-Ha record I own is a greatest hits and I’m fairly certain I never listened to it all the way through.

Eurythmics
Revival (Extended Dance Mix)
Once again, I spent so much time writing about other songs for a post that by the time I get to the last one I am too tired to think of anything interesting to say. But hey, it’s a good song. Don’t let my blogging limitations prevent you from enjoying it.

Posted in A-ha, Eurythmics, instrumentals, Peter Schilling, remixes | 1 Comment »

Electronic Music That Makes Me Happy

April 11th, 2012

I think I’m nearly almost done with the damn guide. Hopefully I’ll have it up in a week or two! It’s kind of become a monster. I don’t know what happened.

In completely unrelated news, I got bored tonight and decided to see which of my Sega CD/Sega Saturn games had audio tracks I could rip. Turns out, most of them did. Would anyone be interested in me posting music from such classics as Sonic CD, Panzer Dragoon and Vitura Fighter 2? How about from such not-so-much classics like Golden Axe: The Duel and Virtual On? Are they available commercially anywhere? I have to imagine the soundtrack to Sonic CD was made available at some point wasn’t it? Was it ever released in the states? Sonic Boom!

Utah Saints
Something Good (051 Mix By John Kelly)
Anything Can Happen
Here’s a Lost Turntable protip for life.

Whenever you are feeling down and think that absolutely nothing can go right in your life, put on Utah Saint’s “Something Good.” Nearly any mix will do, as long as it has the full Kate Bush sample (so, um…not these mixes…sorry). Play it on loop. Eventually the etheral voice of Kate Bush will convince you that “Something good is gonna happen” and your life will once again have meaning. Fuck Tony Robbins or any other motivational speakers. This shit works.

Dub Pistols
Official Chemical (DJ Touche Vocal Mix)
Official Chemical (Dogtown Clash Mix)
Official Chemical (DJ Touche Instrumental Mix)
Problem Is (Breaks Mix)
Another one from my “I can’t believe I never posted this” file. I don’t know much about the Dub Pistols, but goddamn “Official Chemical” is my jam. I first heard it way back in 2001 in Frequency, an early rhythm game by Harmonix. I don’t know what it is about the song, something about it pumps me up. None of these remixes are as good as the album version, but they’re all great in their own ways, the guitar lick on the DJ Touche Vocal Mix is especially smashing.

“Problem Is,” while not as good as “Official Chemical,” is still a stand out tune as well, and this mix is worth a listen too.

Leftfield
Swords (Revisited Mix)
Swords (Cari Lekebusch Mix)
Swords (Two Lone Swordsmen Remix)
Swords (To Rococo Rot Remix)
Cliffnotes version of this 12″ single: The “Revisited Mix” is the best. It’s the best because it adds an amazing bassline to the mix that is so powerful that I bet, if used properly, it could cut someone  in half with its sheer awesomeness. It makes me wish I still had my crappy woofer hooked up to my PC. I would crank this tune so loud that my roommate (who is in the room below me) would probably vibrate right out of his bed and out the window. I should totally try that. Then maybe he’d get the message and stop being so damn loud at 7:30 AM.

Additionally, I suspect the dude who came up with the name “Two Lone Swordsmen Remix” really like the movie Airheads.

Posted in Dub Pistols, Leftfield, remixes, Utah Saints | 5 Comments »

One Remix Leads To Another

April 9th, 2012

Rare daytime post!

Art Of Noise
Art Of Love (Extended Mix)
Ambience Of Love
Heart Of Love
So how the hell didn’t I know about this?

In 1990, Art Of Noise released “The Ambient Collection.” As its name suggests, it is a collection of Art Of Noise tunes reworked as a continuous ambient mix. That alone sounds pretty rad. What makes it even more rad (I’m totally bringing “rad” back, by the way) is that the album was compiled and remixed by Youth from Killing Joke, with an added assist by Alex Paterson of The Orb.

So…that’s pretty awesome. What strikes me the most about these mixes (aside from their overall greatness) is how similar in sound they are to Metallic Spheres, the 2010 album by The Orb that featured Paterson again working with Youth (as well as David Gilmour). Hard to fault them for not updating their sound though, this shit sounded great in 1990, and that Metallic Spheres proved that it still sounded good some 20 years later.

In case you can’t tell, I’m really digging on these mixes at the moment. They’re probably the best thing I’ve put up on this blog in months.

The Fixx
One thing Leads To Another (Live Version)
Saved By Zero (Live Version)
I was surprised to find these live cuts, were are the B-sides to a 12″ promo single for “The Sign Of Fire.” I’ve dived through countless Fixx records before, and this was the first I ever found that had songs that, to the best of my knowledge, aren’t on CD. Neither of these live versions really expand or diverge upon the original versions that much, but they do so that The Fixx was a pretty great live band back in the day.

And this version of “Saved By Zero” is certainly better than the version that was in that fucking Toyota ad.

Wang  Chung
Fire In The  Twilight (Specially Remixed Version)
Dreaming In The Hills Of Heaven
I honestly didn’t think I would ever find more rare Wang Chung to post but leave it to Jerry’s Records for me to discover some weird import 12″ single, this one for the song that Wang Chung contributed to The Breakfast Club. I don’t own the soundtrack to the Breakfast Club (because even my nostalgia has some limits), so I can’t compare this “Specially Remixed Version” with the original. I bet it’s not that different. It’s certainly not an “extended” mix, since it’s still less than four minutes long. However, I love the track, and I like just having an excuse to post it.

I love love this B-side, “Dreaming In The Hills Of Heaven.” It’s apparently an honest-to-goodness Wang Chung rarity. It only appeared on this 12″ single and has never been released on CD. It’s very reminiscent of the group’s work on the To Live And Die In L.A. soundtrack, with an atmospheric, somewhat tense, quality to it. The vocals sound a little muddled, but that’s not the fault of my rip, I think this is recording is a demo. It doesn’t detract too much from the quality of the track, however. If you love Wang Chung (and you damn well should) then check this song out. And if you don’t like Wang Chung, then I don’t want you to read my blog.

Okay, you can still read my blog, but give Wang Chung a chance, okay? They were an underrated act!

Posted in B-sides, remixes, soundtrack, The Art Of Noise, The Fixx, Wang Chung | 6 Comments »

Amazing Women and a Numan

April 5th, 2012

My April curse is in full effect already. Sure, I haven’t been robbed at gunpoint; broken a leg; gotten a strep infection; been fired; broken a rib; had my parents split up; or have my car break down (all things that have happened to me in past Aprils), but shit ain’t getting off to a good start.Hopefully I can use the power of 80s pop music to scare away the bad vibes.

Cyndi Lauper
Money Changes Everything (This Version)
Money Changes Everything (That Version)
Oh Cyndi, my first crush. I will not rest until I have all of her amazing singles on vinyl. I got one step closer with this release, a really odd promo single that I found in a bargain bin a few months back. Both versions of the track are live, in fact, both are the same performance. However, the “That” cut is about 30 seconds longer, keeping in a bit near the end that’s cut out of the “This” version. Do I need to feature both versions here? Not really, but that’s never stopped me before has it?

Gary Numan
White Boys  And Heroes (Extended Version)
We Take Mystery To Bed (Extended Version)
These untiled extended mixes are taken from a 12″ promo single.

Okay, now that I got that out the way, I can get to the important part…what the FUCK does “We Take Mystery To Bed” mean? I mean, who the hell would want to hear that from a prospective boyfriend/girlfriend/random one-night-stand? “Hey baby, lets hook up, I take mystery to bed.” That would be the worst pick-up line in the history of the world. I don’t know about you, but the bed is one place where I definitely don’t want mystery. I like to know what I’m getting myself into, thank you very much.

And now that I think about it, “White Boys And Heroes” is a pretty damn weird name for a song too. WTF Gary Numan?

Waitresses
Everything’s Wrong If My Hair Is Wrong
Luxury
Open City
Pleasure
Spin
The Waitresses are remembered as a one-hit wonder thanks to “I Know What Boys Like” and that’s a damn shame. What they should be remembered for is being one of the most interesting and unique bands to come out of the new wave era.

So why are they relegated to second-class status in the annals of New Wave History? While it would be easy to say that it’s because they had a female singer and people are sexist pricks, I think the real reason is because they were a New Wave act from Ohio that wasn’t Devo.

Ohio always gets screwed. Ohio musicians are the Ohio sports teams of the music world, destined to runner-up status at best and forgotten has-been status at worst. People always site New York and LA as the birthplaces of punk in America, they forget about Pere Ubu, The Dead Boys, The Electric Eels, The Styrenes and Rocket From the Tombs, many of which predated the punk scenes in NYC and LA by years. Show Ohio some respect people. It doesn’t earn it that often.

But anyways, I’m straying from the topic at hand, which is the Waitresses. Despite the staying power of “I Know What Boys Like,” neither of their albums have been re-issued on CD, instead highlights from the two records have been repeatedly culled for “greatest hits” releases. But who decides what a highlight is? In the case of the Waitresses, its someone who really doesn’t think much of their second album, Bruiseology. All of the above tracks are from that great record, and none of them have ever been re-issued on any of the band’s greatest hits. They’re among some of the best songs on the record, and are well worth hearing, especially “Everything’s Wrong If My Hair Is Wrong.” That song is spectacularly weird in a way that few songs are.

Posted in Cyndi Lauper, Gary Numan, live, remixes, Waitresses | 6 Comments »

Pink Floyd, Duran Duran and Eurythmics. Because Why Not?

April 3rd, 2012

I wanted to write something kind of awesome tonight but technology stopped that from happening. Instead, here’s something I cobbled together in five minutes. Whatever, I’m sure more people will enjoy this than the incredibly bizarre stuff I have planned for later in the week.

I hope that didn’t sound bitter.

Pink Floyd
Not Now John (Single Version)
The Heros’ Return – Parts I and II
Every few years I re-visit The Final Cut to see if my opinion of the record will change, but it never does. I think that album is aggressively horrible. It’s not just bad for a Pink Floyd record, it’s bad for a rock record. Shit, it’s bad for a rock record released in 1983, and that’s saying something.

That being said, it has a couple of tunes that I consider to be…okay if I’m in the right mood (that mood being “I’m too depressed to feel hate”).

One is “Fletcher Memorial Home,” which is a lyrical dirge, but at least it has some pretty good guitar work by Gilmour.

The other is “The Hero’s Return.” I think it’s the only track on the album that gets Roger’s political viewpoints across without him coming off like a self-important prick. It’s probably the only song on The Final Cut that I wish was longer, good for me then that a longer version exists!

I don’t know why, but the version of “The Hero’s Return” that serves as the B-side to “Not Now John” is twice as long as the album version, with an additional verse that adds onto the song’s anti-Thatcher themes. It’s good stuff, very angry. I love how Gilmour delivers the line “Jesus Christ I might as well be dead!” although he’s singing Roger’s lyrics, he really sounds like he believes it. Of course, given the state of Floyd at the time of the song’s recording, maybe he was wishing death upon himself.

I’m including the single edit of “Not Now John” only for completionist purposes. I like it more than the album cut, but mostly because its shorter, therefore it ends sooner.

Duran Duran
Save A Prayer (The Thunder In Our Hearts Remix)
Some of the weirdest records I buy are records made strictly for DJs that are sold as part of a subscription service. These are usually legit releases that feature official remixes, but the remixes are often exclusive to the subscription service, so they’re super rare and weird. That’s where this AMAZING remix of “Save A Prayer” came from. If you’re like me and ever thought “I sure would love a seven-minute version of that sad Duran Duran ballad about one night stands” then you’re totally in luck. You’re also probably my old editor. Hi Dave.

Eurythmics
Sweet Dreams (Bootleg House Mix)
And if you’ve ever thought “I sure would love a seven-minute version of ‘Sweet Dreams,’ but only if its a house version released as a bootleg white label” then you too are also in luck. And we should totally hang out sometime because we have similar tastes in ridiculousness.

Posted in Duran Duran, Eurythmics, Pink Floyd, remixes | 8 Comments »

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